I clearly detest cooking... when I'm tired!

I love cooking when I'm not tired! My parents have been traveling a lot these days and so that usually leaves me with the kitchen, all mine and the option to cook whatever I want. Turned out, the idea was not as tempting as it 'cooked' in my mind. I'd plan what I'd like to make for dinner during class. One day it was puri-aloo, another day it was ven pongal, then it was vada-sambhar... I do most of my recipe planning in class and then savor it in my mind! :D

But the minute I get back home, I get irritated looking at empty dishes in the kitchen. Because I have a brother at home, I HAVE to cook... but I clearly hate cooking after getting back from college. It's past 6 when I reach home and I'm too tired to even take my books out, leave alone cooking.
Yet I managed to cook all these dishes and more, because I really do get hungry. So does my brother.

But...but but but...I have decided I do not want to work after I'm married 'cos then my family is sure to starve or get blasted at for no reason and my husband being forced to cook something for the kids (BIG PICTURE!)

If I have the time and space I'll cook. Promise!

Yet another thought...

Why do we so badly hurt the person who loves us really but give most happiness to those who will eventually forsake us? Why do we overlook true love? Why do we make the worthy cry and let the unworthy smile?

Why?

Another thought...

When I carry a book/camera/note/album in my bag no one asks for it... and just when I leave it at home, someone wants it!

Why?

A thought...

Just why do we forget some things when people question us and why do we always remember the answer after they've left?


why?

Mera Bharat Mahaan!

A conversation I overheard: (Conversation between 2 Indians - girl and boy- and 1 firang)

Firang: I'm planning to go to Kerala. Thoughts?

Excited boy (mallu roots) : Kerala is a great place! It's also known as God's own country for all the green and calm and peace you'll find there. Plus plus, it's famous for ayurveda. Ah, also the massages. Try them out... (goes on)

Me: :)

Firang: That's nice. I'm planning to go to Tamil Nadu on the way back... and what do you think of that?

Boy: I don't know what Tamil Nadu is famous for. Some bharatnatyam, idli, vada stuff.

Girl: The people there are soooo dark.

Boy: OMG ya! You know, they are darker that negros. Yuck!

Me: Almost up to slap him tight on his face. Stopped by A.

Girl: Kerala people are very fair and good looking. No?

Boy: Yeah! Of course! (smiles)

Firang: Ok.

(Inside Firang's head: Stupid Indians!)

Like firangs will care about color or geographic influence. According to them, whether dark or fair or good looking or ugly, an Indian is a freebie, is a cheapo and will go down to any extent to lick a**.

When firangs come to India they take pics of beggars and litter and famished slum dwellers... they see India that way! Well, some of them do take the trouble to shoot some good stuff... blah.

On the contrary, we do NOT want accept that every nation has a bad side... of course, if we show pics of mad men on the streets to our relatives, they'll laugh at us... yeah, we are that bothered! :)

People who read this will think : ah there she goes again... non-stop ranting and blah blah.

Frankly, I don't care. I write whatever my heart wants to write. This incident was running on my head in class, and for fear of losing the content I wrote it down on my palm...

Ok not digressing much, why are we like this? Let me add on to this, this excited guy works in the same office I once worked for... and when we had extra work to handle, he'd crib and rant along with his fellow team mates, discussing about how Indians are 'used' for cheap labor...

HA HA HA... Is all I can say!

With Independence day nearing... I want to know if we are really proud of the fact that we are Indians?

May be. May be not.

India does not have good roads- does not have clean bathrooms- is still poor- the coovam still stinks- there are no sky scrapers- there is great agrarian crisis- farmers are dying everyday- there are annoying power cuts- the untouchables exist- the richer are getting richer and the poor poorer- communal riots exist- the fear of getting burnt alive on the bus or train due to riots, the fear of being attacked by terror spreading groups on Independence day itself... !!! The irony - we are not free to celebrate our own independence!

Do we really want to say we are Indians?

I want to! India gave me what I call my home. It holds me with respect. It educated me. It taught me how to write what I feel like. It employed me. It gave me good food. It taught me how to pray for afflicted families. It taught me that whether tall, thin, fat, dark, fair, ugly, pretty, Indians are my brothers and sisters. It taught me how to play gilli. It taught me how to cry when my grand parents left me. It taught me how to look after my parents when they need me. It taught how to love my sibling. It taught me the sanctity of love and unity. It taught me how to value my loved ones. It taught me that God is nothing but parents and teachers. It taught me how to write on a slate. It taught me to pray before every meal. It taught me how to share my food with my friends. It taught me how to love myself. It taught me to go on... no matter what happens... it gave me confidence... always.

I want to say I'm an Indian and I'm proud. I'm indebted for all that my nation has done for me. I don't know of any discrimination, everyone is one.

Mera Bharat Mahaan!

If I don't do this I don't have a heart...

I would like to thank my dear friend Gayathri R. In many ways, she has taught me important lessons in life. She has helped me distinguish between trivial things and important things in life. She has been with me through the ups and downs of my life at Hyderabad. She has trusted me whole heartedly and has loved me like no other friend.

She introduced and subscribed me to Frozen Thoughts, a monthly magazine that is a wonderful source of good thoughts and mantra for awakening. It has a powerful dose of good living tips and provides one enough medicine for a healthy living.

By far this the best gift I have ever got from a friend. How often do you see friends who teach you fishing rather than giving you fish for a day? Gayathri has done just that. Instead of providing me with advice for a day and then letting go, she has gone one step ahead by gifting me clarity of thought.

Gayathri, whatever you did for me, you did it out of love for which you did not expect anything in return.

God bless you always!

The uncertainity called Life!

I pinged my friend and jokingly asked her how she was 'enjoying' work... she didn't reply to my question but just sent me this link.

My first reaction: OMG!

First thought: This could happen to anyone. Anyone!

I was dull after hearing about this because I relate with them through work. Though I have never interacted much I knew they existed. I heard the atmosphere at office is very sad. Friends and colleagues are finding it difficult to come to terms with the incident. Sigh!

Imagine the others in that compartment. Families, children, husbands, wives, grandparents, lovers, friends, colleagues, ... dreams, hopes ... all gone... getting burnt alive... you feel the pain, the killing pain, and yet to live till you are charred... the worst form of death... :(

All these things happen. There's no stopping. Two little innocent children lost their parents (a close family friend) to an accident few months ago. The family, kids, an aunt and the couple were coming back home from a visit to a temple. Their return ended on a disastrous note. The children came back home termed orphans. For no fault of theirs, the kids are lonely today and under the care of known strangers.

At this juncture, all I can think about is the uncertainty that dominates us. To an extent I have given up being a procrastinator. The work I leave behind for tomorrow may never be complete, I probably may not exist tomorrow. I have consciously stopped fighting with A, due an inexplicable fear that rules my heart :(

Life is uncertain. People who smile at us today may not live to see a tomorrow. This is what should make us feel we are under the domination of a power that can destroy and create. We are mere actors in this play called life.

We can't pray for supernatural life saving powers, but we can and should pray for strength that'll help us overcome tribulations and afflictions.

I tried so hard...

to delete my Orkut profile... but couldn't 'cos I own five different communities... and if my profile is erased no one would be allowed to be a part of the community... of course I can grant moderator/ co-owner privileges to my friends... but the thought that my name will forever be lost makes me sad... :(

yet... one of these days, I'm going to delete my Orkut account and concentrate on other important things in life...

Aaaaaarrrrrrrrggghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm screaming as I'm typing this rubbishhhhhh.... aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...........


Never been sooooooooo pissed offff and soooooooo agitated in life.......!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

myyyyyyy gawwwwwddddddddd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(


aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Kya aap panchvi pass se tez ho?

Let me start off by saying - The show sucks!

And why I say so - because of the annoyingly stupid questions that they ask and the annoyingly ignorant participants and the fake smartness that oozes out of every kid there. And of course the annoying SRK.

What poisonous fruit did Snow White consume? - Err Jack fruit? Oh an apple?! DUHHHH!!!

What irritates me the most - the unfair advantage the kids gain.

The kids on the show are carefully picked from TV shows, ad films. They are trained/otherwise actors! I see them in every damn ad, horlicks, vicks vapor rub, etc etc. These kids DO NOT represent the student population of India. They probably belong to an already elite society with several movie offers in hand and 'on duty' attendance.

Ok cutting away from being extremely cynical, my questions are - why aren't random students from around the nation called to be a part of the show? Are you sure these actor kids are really smart... I mean, do you give them a script? Are they being paid? If they are, why are they being paid if you're already giving them an education grant of 10 lac? Why not give this grant to students who really need it? Why are you so stupid?????

Why? Grrr!

Coming to the main question - Are you brighter than a grade 5 pass out?... Yeah right we are! Of course we know that 10 bucks is equal to '18' 25 paise and '11' 50 paise. WTF!

I have no clue what they're trying to prove? and if you're multiplying 18*25 + 11*50 ... you are meant to be on that nonsensical show.

Century!

Successfully completed 100 posts on blog :P Incidentally my 100th post had to be a tragedy... sigh!

And everything came back alive...

Dr. Manju sat down near Reema. She looked at her tiny little feet wrapped in white. She fondly remembered the first day her eyes met Reema's. She was the most beautiful child she'd ever seen.' Seven years into marriage and no child' the society would ridicule her. Reema completed Manju's life and its emptiness.
Reema was petite and very delicate for her age. She'd bruise herself all the time and the tiny droplets of tears would break Manju's heart.
'Why is Reema so careless?' asked Dr. Arjun.
'She'll grow' Manju would reply with tenderness. 'My Reema will grow.'
Reema would build mud castles and run into the house to top it with her flag but on her return she would see her master piece being stamped upon by her friends. She had no true friends. They'd call her names and make her cry. Reema would run away and hug her fig tree. She'd fondly brush her cheeks over the fruits and smile. She'd run her little fingers on the tree's trunk and say, 'one day they'll want to be my friends.'
'Mamma, do you love me?' Reema asked Manju.
Yes of course. You know you are my angel. Why do you ask me this Reema?'
'I just wanted to ask you. I like it when you say yes.'
Reema dozed off on Manju's lap. Manju looked at her, eyes welling with tears, 'I love you Reema. You brought love into my life. I cannot thank you enough.'
Manju knew Reema did not have many friends at school. She was hardly invited to birthday parties, she did not have playmates, her lunch box would come back half eaten, never shared... Manju never understood why... yet Reema never complained. She'd smile and ask her mother if she loved her and she'd always hear 'yes.' That made the child happy enough.
'Reema do you want to go out with mama on a picnic?.'
'Yes of course mama, wherever you take me.'
Sunday morning and instead of making her usual visit to the temple, Manju was busy packing Reema's favorite snack, bread rolls, some cup cakes and a bottle of apple juice. Her picnic basket was ready. Reema was busy packing her stuff into her bag that included Lila, her little bunny and Butter, her little whale.
Manju knew Reema loved the sea so she decided to take her to the nearest beach village for the picnic. She told her friends about this and they all decided to make it a family picnic sans the husband.
The bus arrived and Manju called out to Reema.
'Come quick Reema' she said.
'Let me say bye bye to my tree.'
Reema looked at her fig tree and said, 'You are my best friend. I'll miss you.'

'Can I sit here with Akhil?' Reema asked Manju.
'Of course Reema.' Manju replied.

Manju watched Reema laughing aloud. Akhil was saying funny things to her and every time she found the story too funny she's turn to look at Manju. Manju would smile and feel light. The beach village was about an hour away from the city and they were to reach there before noon. Manju was planning what games she'd execute. Now that Reema had found company she could relax in peace.
Reema was singing poems to Akhil, and she's occasionally wave 'hello' to her fellow bus mates. In the midst of her singing Reema looked at Manju and waved excitedly at her, 'bye mama. Bye bye mama.'
Before Manju could react she saw Reema's smile disappear... she lost her smile forever.

The bus had taken a sharp turn and that changed Manju's life forever. Reema's head hit against a lonely tree on the highway and that was the last Manju saw of her beautiful innocent face.

Reema's classmates cried for her... her enemies cried... her teachers, her bullies... everybody cried...they probably regretted not having treated Reema well... not having called her to their b'day parties... not having laughed with her... not having loved her... but now they wanted to be her friend...Reema had friends now...

Dr. Manju sat down near Reema. She looked at her tiny little feet wrapped in white. One last time before the fires ate her...

Blank...

An urge to write but don't know what...

A Day To Remember

'It’s a fine Saturday morning!' I exclaimed. 'Oh shucks, I have to go to work but also I have an appointment with my best friend for some coffee.'

I decided to chuck work for the procrastinator in me. 'I’d rather have the piping hot coffee,' I thought.

I love the word piping, though it reminds me of this complex pipeline system that manages to flush out effluents from our homes. Ok! whatever makes me say that. I decided to wear my usual blue Capri teamed with my favorite pastel pink kurti that I keep wearing every week, no matter what, simply because it makes me feel like a model of a Westside campaign. If my mother knew I was repeating clothes at work, every single week, she’d be shattered. But then, c’mon, I have favorites, and this kurti has become a piece of my heart. I picked it from Westside and ever since it found place in my wardrobe I’ve made sure it clings to me often.

I looked for it in my cupboard, and cursed my laziness, for I do not find it neatly ironed and smelling like it was freshly dipped in fragrant water but clumsily thrown into the laundry bag that was almost overflowing.

Yikes!

The little devil in me tells me ‘Simply iron it and wear it with some perfume generously sprayed. Nobody will know.’

I was out on the streets, wearing my favorite kurti, and smelling like a ‘walking incense,’ only, this was repelling people away.

I called Bhargavi to check if she was going to pick me up or if I should make it on my own. Of course, I ask the former question in a very heart-melting innocent voice because I’m too lazy to go to anywhere on my own, and the always caring Bhargavi pulls in her Honda Activa in exactly five minutes.

“What’s that strange smell?” she asks, looking like a sniff dog.

Err, let’s go quickly. We do not want to be late for a coffee do we?

“Huh? Okay. Whoever says that for a cuppa coffee! Hop on.”

I’m quick to react. I was fiercely manipulating some witty replies, should Bhargavi ask me the “What’s that smell” question again.

My non-used lazy brain, however, could not think of anything. “I’ll just have to use my puss-in-the boots look, I suppose” I tell myself.

Bhargavi is a careful rider and that irritates me sometimes, because she signals her turn at every street, inhabited or otherwise. She also honks at every turn she takes! Man, whoever does that these days. Deep down inside my heart, I’m proud my friend follows every traffic rule and lets every human being on foot overtake her. I smiled at the old granny who just overtook us.

But, I love Bhargavi for all this. I love riding with her. At least I get to admire nature, or gasp in shock at the obscene bill boards or spot a cute guy with the 'Marlborne' helmet riding his Pulsor. I wonder why helmets make guys look cute. I prefer it that way. Really! So, one rarely gets to notice all these beauties, when on a speeding bike ride.

We come to a halt outside Barista and see it is quarter-full (for the optimist in me). Well, which hep-gang comes for a coffee in the morning, anyways? We are 'hopeless' beings and prefer coffee when there is less noise. We seat ourselves on our favorite couch, pastel green and leather.

“So, Naaz tell me why you think there is no life left in you?”

Huh? What do you mean Bharagavi?

“I’m referring to yester night’s phone conversation.”

'Oh, that.' I snicker. That was simply, zimbly you know.

I think I just cracked a light joke.

“Shut up, and tell me.”

With Bhargavi, there is no escape.

Well, err, I’m just frustrated that I’m lonely. That’s it.

“And do you know why you are lonely?”

Bhargavi, please let’s not get into that.

“See, you decided you will be lonely and why do resent it, suddenly?”

Let’s get some coffee first. I’m so scared.

“Ok, chill! I’m just concerned.”

Of course I know that.

“So devil’s own?”

Hmm, yes I guess. I’m hungry and I don’t mind some chocolate. Or, wait I’ll have some frappe. Or, hmm, what about a smoothie man?

“Naaz, decide and then stick to it.”

Bhargavi, you remind me of our principal in college!

“Yuck!”

Ok, so I’ll have a Frappe and Devil’s own.

“Ok, I’m making mine one devil’s own.”

Ok, I’m embarrassed but I have a huge appetite.

“Oh, please. Do not bother about that. We all know that and it never hurt us.”

Yay! By the way, I think we use Ok way too often!

Who cares.

We placed an order for our fill and after a hundred attempts at spelling my name right starting from Jaaz to Naat, the counter guy settled with ‘Baar-kavi,’ “easy name madam” he exclaimed.

Grr!

“Naaz, why don’t you talk to Dev? I mean…”

Bhargavi, chuck it man. Please I beg.

“Oops, sorry.”

Nah, it’s ok.

Just then the door flung open and I saw someone who gave me this weird feeling that I should instantly get down on my knees and worship the man, some Greek deity, in true Greek style. My reaction was pretty cheap. Bhargavi noticed my mouth lying open like a rhinoceros’s yawn and immediately turned to see what caused the phenomenon. Her reaction was a replay of mine. We must have looked like two cheapsters craving for some masculine presence. It took us 15 seconds to come back to our senses. We were terribly embarrassed.

Oh man, what a dirty first impression we made!

I think he gave us this, oh my goodness ‘some cheapos here’ look!

I think I also heard him say “Stop Letching you morons.” I really hope it is my imagination.

My mouth flung open again as he sat down carefully at the corner table. He quickly walked up to the counter and I think he asked for one hot coffee and that’s it.

“Oh no, if my order came anytime, I should look like a pig, eating food enough to feed some hungry villages.” I thought.

“I must cancel my order Bhargavi, it’s an emergency” I announce.

Before she could react I got up from my seat and rushed to the counter, unaware of the waiter emerging from behind the pillar to deliver my order of soul gratifying food.

What happened next was nothing less than a clash of titans. All I could think of was that the Greek God was now beaming with joy! “Serves her right! The letch.”

I hope it’s my imagination again. Bhargavi came to my rescue, flushed and extremely conscious of his presence.

The waiter was cursing me in the vernacular lingo and thank goodness I did not understand a word. I uttered a million ‘sorries’ and ran to the washroom.

Bhargavi followed me and yes, yelled at me though she kept asking me if everything was fine.

“Naaz, I hope you understand that you not only made us look like two fools but also irresponsible idiots.”

I’m sorry Bhargavi, but that guy!

“That guy, grr!”

I’m so sorry Bhargavi.

“It’s okay man. C’mon clean up and get back fast.”

I don’t know how I’m going to face him.

“Naaaaaz.”

He he he. Okay. I’ll be there in two minutes.

“Good girl.”

I came out, all flushed and not allowing my eyes to set on him, a challenge so great that I failed miserably. I saw him sipping his coffee in style and giving me a weird glance. I hope this is imagination. I really hope! I sat down on the couch, my back facing the guy and sipping the smoothie that Bhargavi ordered.

“I think the devil’s own idea was jinxed!”

You could be right.

Bhargavi signaled to me that the cute guy was leaving. I don’t know why, but both of us were instantly sad. And then suddenly Bhargavi was all alarmed and gently whispered that he was coming towards us. I so wanted to run.

And then it happened, he gently bent over and asked Bhargavi “Is everything alright?” in the squeakiest voice we’d ever heard in our lives.

Ok, now we really wanted to run.

“Err, yeah. Thanks for asking.”

He came forward to face me, beamed his smile and I pretended to look alright and not bothered and he bid goodbye, gently. I exchanged a quick goodbye while controlling my laughter. Just as soon as he stepped out, we were in splits…laughing uncontrollably.

“What on earth was that?”

I don’t know.

“Well, so much trouble for this!”

Yeah, yeah! The morons that we really are.

Meter down!

Auto driver (AD): Where?
Me: Cathedral road
AD: 90 bucks.
Me: For 4 kms? Meter?
AD: Meter down!

That's the last thing you want to hear. Why don't they repair their meters then, I say. And they always quote exuberant prices, if you don't want to pay they don't want to bargain. What's funny is, they will loiter about in their autos looking for victims to heed to their torture but they will not accept a fair price for a ride, instead, they end up wasting fuel in the process. The irony!

But not all auto drivers are bad. Some of them respect the passenger and work in dignity. Thanks to the arrogant lot, we fail to recognize these good guys and judge them too.

I read somewhere that most of these guys are goons and mask their identities with the 'auto driver' tag. They have much political backing and that gives them that extra courage. The political parties get loyalty points in return. What's the world coming to?

The fact remains that auto meters never work and will not work till god-knows when. For those who depend on autos will have to shell out a large sum of money to go anywhere or walk in the scorching sun or fight back!

Down down!

Show me the money and I'll be on my way to do just the same!!!

Where the hell is Matt?

Gosh the world is so beautiful! :)

The Dark Alley

That was a great show! Don't you think?

"Yes of course Lila!" I said slightly disturbed

What are you gaping at? You look so lost.

"Nothing actually."

Please tell me.

"It's 8:30 PM."

So?

"I'm scared that it's too late and not safe to go back home..."

Late? It's 8:30! Oh c'mon. I've been out real late so many times. Nothings going to happen.

"But, I'm scared."

Oh please!

"I don't know...I shouldn't have stayed here for this long. I'm too scared..."

Why are you such a baby? Alright. Let's ask Dharini's mother if she would give us a lift.

"Oh Ok!" I beamed.

Aunty, would you mind dropping us off at our places. It's getting too late, and our house is on the way to your place.

"Yes Aunty. Please. " I begged.

Hmmm...Ok. Come along then.

All along the drive I was disturbed. I had never been out late without my parents and here I was today, in unknown company and a friend who claims to a brave 'tiger.' I was not ready to face the world at this age. I greatly regretted not listening to my mother. I wanted to show her I was a teenager and like Lila, I could handle things on my own. She told me, you do not know this world. The dark skies were now smirking at me. I couldn't breathe.

The car came to a sudden halt.

Can you guys get down here? I actually need to get elsewhere.

"Oh, but it's so late and my house is so far away." I spoke almost bursting into tears.

C'mon! You are 14! I'm sure you can handle this.

"Oh yes we can Aunty. Thanks for the lift." Lila spoke quickly.

I got off reluctantly.

"What were you saying?"

What?

"I'm sure we can handle this? What are you thinking?"

Nothing. We are big people now!

"No we are not. We are only 14. We do not know the world. "

Ya right.

"And that lady? She has a daughter too? I'm sure she wouldn't leave her alone like this? Look at this place...there's no one in sight. What did she think?"

She thought we were OLD!

"Which we are not Lila! You get that?"

YOU are not old! I am.

I did not wish to continue talking to someone who was pretending to be too mature for her age.

"I'll come to your place and ask Yohaan to come and pick me up. "

You know what, we should have one of those phones people have. You can call anyone from anywhere to anywhere. Cellphones. Imagine if you had one now, you could ask your brother to come over right away.

"Yeah, but I do not have a cellphone and if you do not mind I'll call Yohaan from your land phone. "

Duh! Of course.

"Lila is crazy" I thought.

First she makes me stay over at school for this late and then she talks about technical advancements I was not even interested in learning about. Then she justifies that it was all right for the lady to drop us off somewhere, nowhere in the dark. It was 9:15 and we were 2 young 14 year olds, dressed in a red shirt and a white skirt, our sports uniform, all alone on the lonely streets unaware of any impending danger.

I always preferred walking in adequately lit areas, it gave me a sense of security. Lila on the other hand was turning into some kind of a psycho who proclaimed she knew every street in and out, whether lit or otherwise. She signaled we should take a shortcut, and I strongly disagreed.

This will take us home in 2 mins. That well lit road of yours will take us home in 10 minutes.

"I do not care."

Well I do. We are both going this way.

"No we are not. "

Of course we are!

"Lila. Stop being ridiculous. Why don't you understand it's not safe."

Well, what do you know about my locality. It's absolutely safe. You can come here at 12 in the night and nothing will ever happen to you.

"Well, I don't think so Lila. "

Shut up once and for all and come.

I had no choice than to listen to this crazy female because I was too scared to take the longer route on my own. I was uncomfortable and disturbed and almost in tears for having known Lila.

"What's that sound Lila. "

Don't look. Keep walking.

I heard bikes wheeling and roaring their way into the dark. I turned and looked at them. Four men on two bikes. I was trembling with fear. I knew we were not safe.

"Lila?"

Sssssh. Do not talk. Keep walking. They will go away.

True. they went away. I regained my composure but I was now extremely scared. Lila was scared too. She was a girl too...and she couldn't cover her woman-ness with the mask of a tiger.

"Lila, they're back."

Oh my God.

"Let's hide behind the cars please. "

No. Let's keep walking.

I was right behind Lila and the bikes were nearing us now. They screeched past me and went right up to the end of the street. I knew what was going to happen. I kept walking. The ignition started again, this time they applied more acceleration and headed right in my direction. Suddenly Lila was nowhere to be seen. She was running towards a car...to hide.

I was standing all alone with two bikes approaching me...and suddenly something happened. Something really bad.

All the men swung open their arms and as they sped by me, slapped me.

I fell. Lost.

I heard some cheering behind me. I saw Lila running towards me yelling 'Naaz'

...and then I saw no more.

Iruvatru paium pamale - Subramaniapuram... Like the style!

...

my first untitled post - i'm feeling down suddenly - some sort of a weird feeling - mostly because i'm feeling lonely - been used to loving company off late - loneliness hurts - suddenly - am unable to sleep - but it'll pass - morning will bring new day - new energy - the loving company -

...

I keep looking...

I probably have all things I 'really' need... I probably have what I truly deserve and whatever I have is probably the best... I probably don't have to crib about anything... I probably don't have to look worried or probably don't have to bother much... but... yet...

I keep looking for something... as though I've missed something in my life...something that'll complete this emptiness... some sort of a weird emptiness... I don't know what... I don't even understand... but I just keep looking...

there is a part of me that is 'still' lonely... and in that loneliness I search for something...something inexplicable... I wait for that something to happen... something that'll complete the puzzle...why do I feel that until that something happens I will not be in peace...why do I feel that when that something happens I will completely surrender myself to calm... and everything will be alright... but why do I feel this way?

Sometimes I love detachment... from everything... even from myself...sometimes I cease to exist... sometimes I want to understand what I'm looking for...but whatever it is, knows I'm looking for it and keeps moving away from me...like it's sketching a journey for me... I'm not sure if I should follow the path it has etched for me...I'm not sure if this is the journey I should pursue or remain where I am...

there are too many questions and uncertainties but no answers and no means to find the answers...

For now, I'm looking and I'll keep looking... when I find myself... I'll know...

M.A in Maths?

Is it possible? I mean... is Maths an art? I thought it belonged to the much feared and disliked class called 'science!'

I found this ad online...some matrimony funda... has a pic of 'smert' Indian chic who holds a M.A in Maths, not an M.Sc...


I'm confused!

Leaving...

The day is actually here... I'm leaving...

Google, Hyderabad, friends and everything else...

It feels so weird... Tomorrow is my last day at work and I don't know how I'm going to feel working on my computer for one last time, eating at the cafeteria for one last time and seeing some lovely friendly faces around for the last time... I'm going to miss it all.

I'm going to feel weirder when I leave Hyderabad. :(

:(

“Man ka ho to acchha. Man ka na ho to zyada acchha !”

I read it somewhere. Makes a lot of sense.

Translates into:

If things go according to your wish, then it's good.

If things don't go according to your wish, then it's even better!

Some wishes are not meant to come true...that's when you know, you probably wished for something you really did not deserve and he has something better coming your way.

Peace.

Chancey illai.

This scene from the movie Santhosh Subramaniam makes you go, 'Cha, chancey illai.'

Watch it if you follow Tamil.

Tai Chi dreams...

I was watching this show on NDTV Good times called 'One Life to Love' and someone on the show said, 'do something this year that you've been thinking you could never do.' Several ideas struck me, one of which was Tai Chi. See, why would I ever go to a Tai Chi class. There was no need, I used to think! It's not a question of whether I 'could' or 'would'... but I just didn't want to try it out.

But now I want to. I have been watching videos on it and I'm fascinated. I specially like this guy's moves. So graceful and smooth. His moves just blend with the music, nature and the mystic force around him.

I'm heading to Chennai and enrolling myself for a Tai Chi class!

Other things I want to do... Look at life from a different perspective. And how's that going to happen?

We'll have to wait!

I'm probably not OK

but that doesn't mean I cease to exist. It means I'm going to become a new me.

Where's the sun?

I don't get it...Whenever I think of the events in my past the weather is always pleasant. Everything seems to have happened during a cool evening or a pleasant afternoon...I just cannot see the sun... and how can that be possible. Whatever~

Funny but nice.

Ask and you shall recieve...

I learnt it by heart...and I believed in it... because it made sense...I learnt that no father will give his son a stone if he asks for bread nor give him a snake if he asks for a fish...why would God do it then? Why would he not listen to my prayers?

But somewhere down the line I think I misunderstood the concept...because I stopped asking God...I asked mortals instead...and of course I didn't get anything...I kept asking...all the time...that one day they would understand...but it didn't happen...they kept listening... and I kept asking... till it made me hate everybody...including myself.

God looked at me and said, 'ask me.'

I will ask.

The wisdom to 'ask' what is right.

Horton's motto...

No matter how small, a person is a 'person.'

And that exactly is the attitude we lack today. Today, as it stands, a person is no one but 'myself.' It all comes back to my 'self' at the end of the day.

But this amazing movie has beautifully portrayed the true spirit of love, trust, friendship and responsibility. Horton's (the elephant) efforts in saving an entire civilization, that appears to him nothing bigger than a speck on a clover, is so moving. The jungle questions his craziness because Horton believes there IS a world in the speck and that he heard voices from the world. Whoville's mayor, on the other hand, is questioned on his craziness because no 'who' in Whoville believes that an elephant is holding their world and that they just a tiny little speck!

But Horton and the mayor have great trust in each other and both their intentions direct towards one goal, saving Whoville from any impending danger.

An evil kangaroo, who does not want anybody questioning the current beliefs and fearing that the jungle mates may think beyond the possible, plans to destroy the speck but Horton diligently goes on to save the tiny little Whoville, because he believes no matter how small one may be, a person is a person!

Astounding sound effects and animation and an extremely thrilling climax.

Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears A Who: The movie is a must watch for kids and adults alike.

It's too difficult...

The more I want to believe I live in a mad world, the more I get upset about things that happen and some that don't (mostly things that don't happen)...
it's just to difficult to 'survive' here...literally...
seems like I'm the only one laughing...
but it appears that I'm the only one who is not happy...

Across the universe...

The second musical I watched this season after Sweeney Todd (Ugggh!)

This movie made me fall in love with Beatles! So weird, but I was always apprehensive about listening to The Beatles...and now I can't stop listening to them. I envy all those Beatles fans who by now know every song by heart...

I'm not going to write a review on this, you'll find loads of them on the net.

I liked the movie!

Tracks from the movie:

All You Need Is Love

Happiness Is A Warm Gun

I Wanna Hold Your Hand

I Want You (She's So Heavy)

All My Loving

Across The Universe

Strawberry Fields Forever

Let It Be

It Won't Be Long

I've Just Seen A Face

Hold Me Tight

If I Fell

With A Little Help From My Friends

Dear Prudence

Come Together

Because

Flying

While My Guitar Gently Weeps

Why Don't We Do It In The Road

Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds

Oh!Darling

I Am The Walrus

Revolution

Blackbird

Blue Jay Way

Being For he Benefit Of Mr. Kite

Don't Let Me Down

Hey Jude

Helter Skelter

Girl

Something

Look! A sparrow...

Rains...fresh green trees...pleasant sky...oh, and a sparrow. My, where did these birds go? A sparrow is the only bird I can relate to the term, 'little birdie.' It's so tiny and cute and so a typical birdie. I take one careful look and I find so many of them...man, I must be living in one of those places where there's no hustle, no mad rush of vehicles, no tall concrete structures emanating hot air from their ACs...only beautiful trees and butterflies and sparrows!

Here's one, perching on the window grill...so typical of a sparrow...visiting your house gracefully and beautifully...

I'm stuck

I am 'literally' stuck in a state of boredom and monotony. I gape at the sky and realize it's lonely and it's depressing... My vision hazed...my self simply cut-off from things that used to seem bright...they now cease to look good...a monochromatic splash of expressions... the place, the air...everything around me now asks me to halt, take a look and come to terms with the bitter truth that I'm stuck...so stuck with myself and my bag of fickle aspirations...head saturated with hopes gone broken...suppressed in doubt... the dream seems too far away...how far can I stretch my hands?

...else, this monotony will kill my spirit.

iMelt

Very few things make me melt...like this song absolutely does. I love the composition and this is no doubt my favorite song ever. I don't know why but it gives me this weird feeling...like simply closing my eyes and 'feeling it' types...I am just not able to describe the feeling actually...it makes me want to search for something...

Then there are these other weird things that calm me down, like the rain and the smell of wet mud, the color blue, earrings, watches (I'm a material girl!)...and good music and books.

I do not know why started writing this post in the first place...I'm so lost and I'm listening to the song to try and make out what I'm missing out in life...

A Vow, broken...

For 9 years I have been keeping this Vow: no consuming meat throughout lent.

And I've been doing this not because I'm this extremely devout person or anything but more because I did it once and I was scared to break it for fear of being killed or cursed.

But I broke it anyway! Thanks to the food in office I ate fish on the second day of my 40 day schedule of abstinence. I remember my granny telling us cousins it's alright to have fish (but, only if we wanted to, and she would never do it!)...And I never asked why only fish (but why?)

So, I excused myself...and the next day I don know how, I ended up eating mutton!

Spell broken, should I say?

I told my mother this and she said, 'It's ok Mol. He only sees your heart. This is all superficial. Doesn't matter.'

But if my granny came to know, she would say, 'Ente karthavey! Ente kunjuney shemmikaney!' (My God! Please forgive my child!) And he would accept the apologies :)

:D

So then, I'm assuming I am forgiven!

Yaaawn...

That's all!

Mean meat eater...

I overheard X saying 'Ooh, and please stop consuming meat OK? Bad for health. Eat veggies.' Somebody nodded, reluctantly.

No, there was no debate on which was better 'Meat or vegetables.' Somebody just asked X how to get to this hip-hip club in the city.

X: Oh, you must go to this place...OMG, It's so amazing.
Somebody: Really? You've been there?
X: Of course! Every Saturday..Duh!...it's kinda like a Saturday night ritual. OMG, the drinks...out of this world...
Somebody: (Excited) Wow! Ya?
X: Trust me...the booze is whahowwayhoweywho!
Somebody: Woohoo...Alright...
X: Ooh, and please stop consuming meat OK? Bad for health. Eat veggies.

What on earth was X saying? I mean...X was clearly a booze addict or what and X is some veggie addict too?...and X says 'Veggies are good for health?'

Health? LOL!

My dear X,

This is me, a meat consumer. Yes you heard it right, I eat meat. The gruesome being. But no, you don't do it. It's good that you are a veggie. But X, my dear, please stop consuming those veggies...because, they're rotting in your system. Booze will do, my dear.

Booze will do. Yes.

Health.

Mean meat eater!

Free...Free

Free Booze (OMG! Elixir!)

Free coupons to the club (Stairway to heaven)

Tax exempt (??!)

Free 'ladies queues' at the cinema (Yeah!)

Freedom to interrupt anybody's conversation (anytime...)

Freedom to shout at anybody (because, duh! you're a woman!)

Free to complain (about anything)

Free...'everything'

Oh, but do not forget to protest for your 'rights!' (You're free to do that too)

Now!

Be a him... Be a her... Be a blah... Be a bloo...

Be the watch...be the watch

'But...I do not function like that...I cannot...I'm...'

Be the watch...

Be the spoon...be the spoon

'But, I'm just a watch...I cannot...'

Useless.

Wretched...

But...

We're different

Really...

I beg!

South-Park me!

Oh, before I leave for the day, here's something I want to show you...I south-parked myself.

Not able to blog...

There was this huge work pressure building up and I really couldn't blog...though I religiously blogged in my mind...I hope the weekend instills some blog spirit in me.

Have a great weekend! :)

Why is TZP still under construction?

Excuse me for following the not-done blogging techniques, that is to say, starting a topic and then not completing it...like the Om Shanti Om review and the never-gonna-be written TZP review! So why am I not publishing it? Frankly, I was gonna complete it and publish it but the TV stopped me! Well, I can blame my eyes too, ok whatever, so I saw this little boy Darsheel Safary (Ishaan Awasthi) giving his 'nth' interview on TV about his role, and the movie and blah blah blah. I expected the little child to be a child on TV, but it so turned out that he was not a child...he was this super duper star who had achieved something really noteworthy in life at such a young age, blame it on me for expecting. But, but...he is supposed to be a child and not have this 'yeah, so I'm a star' attitude! I mean, it's ok, after all 'Who' am I to judge? But it's just that when I watched TZP, I cried everything time this little boy cried in the movie (the only difference being I did not use glycerine) and I got attached to this little boy...SIGH!!!
I decided I will probably not continue writing the review because I was shocked. And I stick to my word, I will publish it when I publish my numerous other posts that are still in the 'draft' stage...
So, TZP is under construction...and blame it on the eternal procrastinator or otherwise!

Taare Zameen Par!

I am 'me'
The way I was created
I love myself
But they don't
Do I care?
No
That's why I live
But why do you cry
That I am not 'them'
Why do you look at them first
And look down upon me?
Look at me
Not through me
Feel it
'They' cannot be me
I'm unique
Is that a grave error?
Please...
It hurts me
I'm shattered
Don't you see?
I am 'me'
Accept me
Rebuke me not
I will forever remain, 'me'

Imagine the little boy's heart crying out the very same words I managed to utter in despair...You cannot help but cry. Completely melts your heart...The 2 1/2 hours that I spent in the theater watching this amazing movie are the best 'hours' I've spent in my life...

And what stunned me most, Aamir meekly putting in Starring 'Darsheel Safary' followed by the other casts including him! Applause, that says it all! I'm reminded of the saying, 'For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted.'

Aamir Khan has taken utmost care in making this movie, not a flaw anywhere. Starting from the bus conductor's attitude, the bullies in the colony, the school teachers, and students. Of course, you cannot miss to notice the loving mother and the affectionate brother and the strict father, a perfect family. One should note how Aamir Khan has made sure the mother never compares her sons. Ishaan's elder brother Yohaan is an ace tennis player, highest scorer in school, and all that but, Ishaan is Ishaan and never compared to Yohaan! Perfect. I have seen so many movies where the parent says "Look at you brother, he is so good! Why can't you be like him?" (Duh!) Aamir is some perfectionist I must say.

Taare Zameen Par basically revolves around the theme that everybody is unique and special. That each of us are special. I know the tag reads "Every child is special." But then, we do become children sometimes...don't we? This movie makes you feel proud of yourself!

It's amazing how Aamir Khan handled the subject of 'Dyslexia.'

to be continued...

Student days...

I have never studied in a co-ed school/college ever in my life! If you go "WHAAT" at this, then may be I should tell you Post Graduation is on its way! People tell me I have missed so many things in life by not being able to study with 'guys.' Funny but I have never felt so. I have had my share of fun and feel I couldn't have done so many things in my life had I studied with guys! My fond memories date back to class 9. The fun we had interrogating our biology teacher about sex! I can tell you with guys in class none of us would have come out of the inhibition and dared to ask anything on the subject.

But frankly sometimes even I find it funny to realize I have never studied in a co-ed school in my life! I spent 12 years of school life in convents across different states in India and then spent the boring college life in another Convent-ish college! Funny!

If there is one reason why I did not enjoy college then it should be that I always compared it to my dear school. But, I'd like to mention I did have my share of fun in college too, thanks to my dear friend B. If not for her I would have gone mad! I vividly remember bunking classes to buy the very French 'crepes,' jumping the compound wall to watch a dumb movie (yeah I jumped!), getting multiple fraud signatures on gate passes, entering the wrong classroom for the wrong lecture (on purpose), and the list goes on! All this and more but if someone gave me an option to choose between school or college (traveling back in time), I'd choose School, any day!

What makes school so special?

1) Uniform: The only apparel that could accommodate the rich and the poor equally. No one in school was rich or poor, we wore the same dress that cost us all the same!

2) Teachers: You may be in 12th, 9th, 6th or even in 2nd grade, but to your teacher you are always a kid! They come behind you for everything and try to teach you everything and make sure you score well, and are always concerned about you! All of this may have annoyed us, but I yearned for all this in college. In college, it was the 'who-cares' attitude...I know they only meant to make you more responsible or mature or whatever, but school made you feel special and wanted.

3) The canteen: The not-so-appealing yet hunger gratifying food that the school canteen sells! The Re. 5 corn puffs, Re. 8 pop-corn, Re. 10 lemon rice, Re. 15 fried rice, Re. 2,3,5 samosas, Rejoice cold drink!!!, agreed not very tasty, but then where else will you find all this? Sometimes you can be served the best gourmet meal but you'd yearn for the time you spent in your school canteen, may be not for the food, but definitely for the company!

4) The funny faculty: Every school must/should have someone called the funny-guy/lady! Luckily, I met the world's most funniest sir in school! I was healthy in class 12, reason: I studied under this sir! He made me laugh all the time, during class, after class, at home, with friends and even today his memories bring laughter! If you meet your friends 10 years down, you'd say "Hey, remember so-and-so, she used to say this! LOL."

5) P.T Time: Sports period as we all called it, was the most annoying or best (always depends on whether you are the sports field types or not!) period of the day's time-table. We were forced to go to the school grounds and display our athletic or other skills! The best part is the 'P.T misses' (in context to my school) were all not-fit-trim and got tired easily and they would leave us on our own! And...P.T periods became chit-chat sessions while pretending to throw the damned ball somewhere!

6) Sports Day: Yes exactly what should follow after P.T class. Sports day, goes without saying, is the best time of the school year! You are made to march, perform drills, run relays and play silly games while proud parents watch you running around the field and the occasionally yell words of encouragement! I could march decently, but I always got lost in the huge crowd, thanks to my (short) height! I would try my hand at skill games like Pot balance, balloon burst! :D But deep down inside my heart, I always wanted to run...well! Ah and drill! It was the most beautiful part of sports day, we were always given funny costumes and made to hold weird props and DANCE! Yes drill was nothing but 'Dance' to the loud drum beats, LEFT LEFT LEFT-RIGHT-LEFT!

7) Food Fair: Only time guys were allowed on campus. Reason enough to celebrate (for some!) and do we need an explanation when I say 'FOOD?'

8) Children's day celebration: Some fond memories bring tears! Gosh, teachers present a cute assembly, they transform into kids and entertain us, basically our day....No words!

9) Teacher's day: Our turn to show our gratitude to all these blessed beings!

10) Examinations: Oh yes, the finale! School cannot be school without the numerous mid-terms, half-yearly, blah! But, funny, exams are the only things that follow us from school...absolutely nothing else does...It's like we are leaving behind the child in us back in school :(

Did I forget Annual day?? :)

Oh and yes, that's me sleeping in class, surrounded by my friends giving the victorious look, for reasons I do not understand!

Karma?

I was traveling by air to Hyderabad this morning when someone in the aircraft started coughing, sneezing and blowing his nose so loudly much to the annoyance of the woman seated adjacent to me. She made a very rude comment, "someone is cleaning his nose in the flight." Snicker!
In the next 30 mins I hear her husband coughing loudly and gasping for breath, occasionally making futile attempts at vomiting . She got extremely worried and called for help. The air hostess brought along a bottle of water. This went on for about 20 mins roughly and then things calmed down.

The woman did not make any comment at this. Love for her husband?

Karma fulfilled? Every thought does have consequences, so that there is a balance in life.

But this was quick! :)

UnInt--ERR-upted!!!

I decided it was time for me to clean my wardrobe. So I set to work on it when someone called me up and asked me, "Ma'am can you spare 2 mins. We would like you to give us feedback on Whoa-Da-Fone's superior network coverage."
"Yeah, I guess"
Sighing heavily!
"Thank you very much Ma'am."
Walking to the kitchen to have a drink.
"Ma'am are you online?"
"Yeah."
Duhh!
"I am happy to inform that we have a new offer..."
Walking back to my bedroom...
A faint voice in the background "He--ll--o Ma-----dam..."
Me in reply "Yeah..errr...Hello...Hello..."
Shucks man!
"Ma'am are you there."
"Yes. I am! Please go ahead."
I decided to take the newspaper from the drawing room...while she kept talking I could check out some interesting stuff.
After much ranting from her end...I figured out that Amir Khan maintains a blog and I should check it out now.
"Are you willing to take this special offer Madam?"
"I'm sorry, can you please brief me on this once again."
Guilty I felt. Decided to walk back to my room.
"Sure! So Ma.........#%#%%^!@!"
"Huh? Hello"
"&(*&(&$@# Dam...I was...Sayi...."
"Hello"
I kept walking...the signal must be dying down...I thought
" ing that this offer"
Ok clear now...which meant signal was strong if I stood in a particular position and facing this direction. Perfect! I kept balancing myself...gave up..
"Blurr...$%$%#^@$#....errr"
"Hello..."
".................(read:silence)............."
"Hello"
Line got cut!

Well, so much for the uninterrupted network coverage you promised!

Why he lives...

He lived a very lonely life.
He laughed alone, cried alone,
He kept waiting, in vain he thought...
until one day he found her.
She hugged him whenever his heart felt lonely again.
She gave him small kisses and then would run away, it made his heart light.
She danced like she had no worries. It made him cry out of joy.
She sang hymns for him, and he silently prayed that nobody took her away from him.
She told him stories with no meanings...
She did little things for him, little insignificant things in the world's eyes...
but things, little and insignificant, meant the world to him.
She cried whenever he fell ill or fell down.
She lifted him up whenever he slipped...
With her smile she lit his days...She loved him...truly
They took long strolls together
They played silly games
They built sand castles
They never once forgot that they were 'one'
Until one day, she was gone
He kept looking for her But she was gone
Gone forever.
But before she left, she gave something that changed his life forever...
She brought back the child in him
She showed him how beautiful life is
She brought back the confidence he lacked
She made him a champ among his friends
She turned him into a star...
He was not lonely
anymore
He had got a new life
The life that she gave him
She blessed him forever
And he 'Lives'
for what she gifted him.

Sometimes...

I want to lose my self
Sometimes I want to forget I exist
Sometimes I want to cry like I'm being stabbed
I want to run away from the crowds...
I feel like blurting out my feelings
But that block...
It keeps choking me
Sometimes I ask God to take away the 'Block' out of my life
Sometimes I talk to him loudly and start crying..but then suddenly I start smiling
I see him...but I see the block more often
He spreads his wings over me at night
I get scared and clutch the rosary tightly...
Once again the wings...they pass...this time sensing his presence...
Turning to engulf someone else...
Oh God...I don't want to see the eagle again...
Sometimes I feel like I have nothing to lose
Sometimes I feel someone wants to take away what little I have
The wings...they bring fear
I feel feverish...
Sometimes I laugh out loud like life is beautiful
Then suddenly I am reminded of the wound
The eagle smiles at me
Mocking
I search frantically for him
I see him
Fighting hard to keep the wings away...
But my deliberate efforts deepen the wound and the wings
They come the next night...
Sometimes...
I am possessed...
By good and bad
I can't tell which is what
But
Sometimes...I am not me.

Latest Trend: Office-Spouse...

Forget the latest fashion trends, forget the latest 'Gym' workouts, forget the 'what's cooking'...what's catching up is the 'out of the bags' trend ... 'Office-spouse.'

Having a pseudo-wife or pseudo-husband at work may not only make you happier with your job but may even improve your chances for promotions and raises, according to a report Friday.

-Source CNNMoney.com

If you belong to the ocean called 'corporate' then this should be a familiar term to you. Office-spouses or Pseudo-spouses. I sit in India and work for an American MNC and keenly observe how inside this very Indian infrastructure filled with Indians is a very apt depiction of the American culture or atmosphere.

How the word came into existence: Some people started losing the spark in their 'very-fairy-tale-ending' marriages after a couple of years. The spark seemed to dry away because of inoculation of responsibilities, and everything else that the rather disguised package of marriage brings with it. They say change is the only thing that is constant. So now change becomes a more of a necessity. But what fascinates me the most is the fact that man keeps looking for the same kind and type or species of the object that actually caused him the supposed frustration. 'Woman and work. '

When he finds the right fit to his needs, the woman becomes his office-wife and the job brings him the much need satisfaction, 'job satisfaction.' I do not really understand how having the so-called element 'Wife' in office brings mental peace? I mean, don't men claim that they go to work because they want some peace?

Very ironic.

My second poem...

The Beggar

I saw him in the street
Begging for alms to meet his needs
All he wanted was a crust of bread and a bed
And two eyes to look at him,
And for him tears shed

He walked up and down the road barefoot,
And did not bother to see where he stood,
He lost everything in life,
His wealth, his money and his wife
Dignity was something he possessed no more
And happiness he couldn't look for anymore

His ideas soared up the skies
But the world did not stand by him,
It only did misguide
Never had he expected life to be this way
But it has been so since his graduation day.

My first Poem

This is the first poem I wrote in my life. I simply named it Love...Here goes...

Love

He saw her walking down the street,
It was like Love at first sight,
His heart beat like the fastest steed
And his face shone bright.

He stood by his gate watching
And only hoped that one fine day they'll meet each other
To express his thoughts
And to tell her, his Love.

When he smiled at her
She smiled back too
And then bloomed in his heart
Love that was so true

And then he planned their future
For he knew, that they were made for each other
He knew he'll keep her happy each day,
For he was so faithful in Love,
That for her his life he would lay.

But when he expressed his thoughts to her,
She knew not what to say,
For she had been engaged earlier
And her marriage was the next day.

Lead me not into Temptation...

Would you like a cigarette?
No...maybe...No! I do not smoke...
You don't! Man...You should try it...
??!!!?? Err...
I see you are thinking...So then may be you should...C'mon try it...
Please No. I have to leave.

Ah! There she goes, conservative, goody-types, has no flavor in life, is not adventurous...Such a boring being! Pufff!

Boring? Says who? Where is it written that if you do not smoke you are boring?

Let me tell you...You who thinks life is all about having fun...

You are wrong!

Life is all about 'Living'...how will you understand?

You are keen on killing yourself each day.

I do not wish to see the day when my parents take me to a hospital just because I have slight difficulties in breathing and they discover I have destroyed my lungs...I do not wish to see the helplessness in their eyes...

If cigarettes were so good, why didn't my parents teach me how to smoke?
You HYPOCRITE...why don't you teach your kids how to smoke? Why don't you let your kids experience the same pleasure you experience? You won't! Because you want your kids to go to the best school and the get the best education possible... You will only teach your kids how to be successful in life... Really why don't you just present your daughter a packet of cigarettes on her birthday? Because anyway, she will end up smoking...

You failed the tests in your life... You took to temptations so easily... and you call ME boring???

What a day I have to see, when smokers taunt non-smokers...Do you not realize 'You are a coward' who does not know how to face the challenges in life and resorts to suicide as the only way out of the maze called life?

You accept defeat in life and you MOCK me? You don't even have a LIFE...and you MOCK the living me?

You are only 20 but you already look 40...and you say I'm boring? You lost your YOUTH and you say I've no flavor?

Only remember, the day you die, I will still be young...I will still have a life...

I'm feeling blah...

My tee reads I'm feeling lucky...but I'm actually feeling blah!
Blah is when you have thoughts piling at the back of your head...actually a clutter of thoughts...
and you have no idea what to say or do...
the thoughts disturb you and tire you...
I'm feeling so blah!
I'm listening to 'rumors' and I've been listening to it all morning...
Every time I listen to this song I can only relate myself to these lines:
'I just need to free my mind...Can you please respect my privacy? Why can't they let me live.'

Why can't they let me live? I think I carry some sign on my forehead that reads 'Kill me.'
I need to free my mind...my mind lives in this cage called perpetual confusion.
I must bring break it open...But ...I'm feeling so blah!

The blah-ness has taken total control of my head and body...I can't even finish this post appropriately...

So blah!

Busy-ness...

Everybody is busy...the current trend among all of us...for no rhyme and reason people want to look busy and occupied...even if they are only checking out online profiles, or chatting or watching videos!

I'm happy at least God is not busy...considering the amount of work he has to do everyday!

The mail...

I was so upset and dull and I desperately wanted to talk to God...rather I wanted to write to him...
I don't know why but I ended up writing to Paulo Coelho... I don't know what I wrote but I'm sure I wrote everything my heart wanted to speak...
I wrote a letter to Paulo Coelho!
I must be mad and I completely forgot about it!
The very next day my mail box reads a new incoming message from 'Paulo Coelho.'

Dear Hepsiba,

Thank you for your kind email.

Always follow your dreams and fight for them with faith.

A Warrior takes every opportunity to teach himself.

It's the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life
interesting.

The secret of life is to fall seven times and to get up eight times.

Paulo Coelho

He wrote back...and it felt like God wrote back...he must have...

in fact 'he has.'

I can't stop crying out of joy...Who would expect him to write back to an ordinary girl's painful mail?

Opportunity lost...Smile regained

It is so difficult to give someone an opportunity...an opportunity that could change a person from being mediocre to becoming a star...
But
Sometimes opportunities that come in 'satisfaction guaranteed' or 'You are sure to become succesful' packages are deceptive...
Some opportunities come in ugly disguises but turn out be most fulfilling in terms of success...
There was once a boy who was uneducated, unemployed and spent days in hunger yet did not want to beg
He went into a temple and found that the temple required someone to ring the bell...he thought he would make a wonderful bell-boy. He asked the concerned person. The boy was sure he would fit the role and his heart filled with joy. But he was rejected on grounds that he was uneducated. He cried and kept crying all day long.
After he cried out his pain, he remained quiet for sometime and decided he would pedal goods from house to house and in this way he would earn enough money to buy himself some food. He started selling flowers. People would ask him to buy goods for them from neighboring shops and he would deliver them back home. With the money he earned he opened a mobile shop; on cycle. He soon opened a small shop in his village selling all sorts of amenities. His business picked up and he kept growing. At one point in time, he owned a chain of retail stores and was a leading business man. He was extremely famous, earned lot of respect and once during an interview someone exclaimed "You have grown so much without education. I can imagine how successful you would have been, had you studied."
With a big smile he replied, "I would have been a bell-boy."

The boy had an opportunity to ring the bell at the temple and earn money but he was not given that opportunity. And thank goodness for that!

Lot of us go through this in our lives. I have not been given so many opportunities. They could not feel the pain I went through. They could not see my tears...They could not see that my heart bled...they wanted some 'education.' Some superficial qualification. They failed to see the heart's yearning to learn. But...I know these are opportunities that ultimately do not give you any satisfaction or joy.

I don't know if this post is well written and I don't care because when I started writing this, I was crying uncontrollably but now I am smiling.

And that is what matters.

One down...

I knew one day she would leave...but I didn't know that time would fly so fast...today she left...and I cried like a child...because she is my friend...she used to accompany me during lunch, during meetings in office, during the numerous breaks we took just to relax...she was always there.
Tomorrow she wont be here.

I'll miss her.

Line of thought...

When I published the post 'Kingdom of the Mad' I was extremely hurt and upset about how things were taking shape in my life...yesterday I was reading a book...if you did not realize...I am with books all the time because I can travel to distant places by simply being a part of the book...yes, so I was reading a very interesting novel on forgiveness...there was a simple line that caught my attention "Human wisdom is madness in the eyes of God."
So true...we sometimes forget that we can never be greater than God who sees it all, he must be having a good laugh up there, for the kind of clowns all of us are. Man thinks he can make the perfect rocket, the unsinkable ship, the flawless government...of course man has acquired all the knowledge that is necessary to 'create' new things...but the difference lies here...man will never be able to stop a rocket from crashing back onto earth, man will never be able to save a ship from sinking, man can never save a city from being destroyed by a natural calamity...man will remain a man forever...
On similar lines, there is nothing wrong in saying the world is mad...and after reading this line...I'm happier than before because I live in a mad world and I cannot expect things to go right!

Pseu-dude

This world is full of pseudos...I have seen so many,
Some who leave their simple modest friends because they want to be a part of the 'rocking' gang in college...
Some who study and work hard only because they want to prove a point!
Some who mock at people who study...
Some who 'have to' buy expensive goods or eat out at expensive restaurants because otherwise the society might classify them into the 'not-so-happening' lot...
Some who do not know how to drive but demand their daddies to get them cars for their b'days because they want to look cool...
Some who forget their mother-tongues...all of a sudden, they have an accent and their mothers become 'mom' from 'amma'
Some who think getting married to guys working abroad elevates their status! (This is the funniest bit!!!)
Some who go do random courses because everyone else is doing it...or at least the 'hep' crowd is doing it!
Some who 'have to' go abroad for a vacation because apparently vacationing in India isn't very appealing...
But crib on not finding an Indian restaurant there!
Some who even changed their names!

Talking about 'names'...

A friend of mine once commented that my name was extremely weird and I should probably hang my head in shame to have such a funny name
(My friend...actually another pseudo!)
Weird name? No name can be weird or funny...
She did not realize that my name is a simple conversation between him, divine, and a humble girl.
The conversation is in Hebrew and he tells her 'my delight is in you'
And that is precisely my name!
'Hepzibah' or 'My delight is in you.'
To think my parents named me so... fills my heart with complete peace.

Coming back to what pseudos do...
Lets call them 'dudes'
So the dude is a happening person
The dude knows everything about whats happening at a local pub or when the next band is gonna perform in palace grounds.
The dude can smoke and look 'cool'
Irony!
The dude can 'hang around' with anybody
The dude has all the rights to mock at a 'not-a-dude'
The dude has the best sense of humor
The dude does not enjoy the beach
She/He would enjoy it only when there's a 'beach party' on
The dude does not like the rain...because she/he would have to stay indoors
The dude is a know-all!
But
The dude doesn't know who she/he is!
Funny...the world has identified him/her...But sadly enough the dude cannot identify him/her self!
Living with absolutely no identity...
she/he is just riding the wave
and running a race towards the unknown...

Self Analysis...

An honest analysis...

I am...

a) An Introvert:

Introverts are directed towards the subjective world.

I am interested in my own thoughts and feelings
I need to have my own territory
I often appear reserved, quiet and thoughtful
I do not have many friends
I have difficulties in making new contacts
I like concentration and quiet
I do not like unexpected visits and i therefore do not make them
I work well alone

b) Intuitive type

Intuition is an ability to deal with the information on the basis of its hidden potential and its possible existence.

I am mostly in the past or in the future
I worry about the future more than the present
I am interested in everything new and unusual
I do not like routine
I am attracted more to the theory than the practice
I often have doubts

c) Feeling type

Feeling is an ability to deal with information on the basis of its initial energetic condition and its interactions.

I am interested in people and their feelings
I easily pass my own moods to others
I pay great attention to love and passion
I evaluate things by ethics and good or bad
I can be touchy or use emotional manipulation

d) Perceiving type

Perceiving types are motivated into activity by the changes in a situation.

I act impulsively following the situation
I can start many things at once without finishing them properly
I prefer to have freedom from obligations
I am curious and like a fresh look at things
My work productivity depends on my mood

I am of the Intuitive-Ethical Intratim type and this what Psychologists have to say about me...


+ You are a very romantic person and have an excellent imagination. You appreciate beauty in both art and life. Your creative nature cannot stand greyness and regularity. You always bring an element of elegance and originality to any situation. You understand others moods and dispositions well and will often use your good sense of humour to uplift friends and family. You posses a rich variety of emotions and you can apply it to many situations. You depend greatly on your emotions to guide you. Sometimes you show great feeling for people and may often idealise others. Wherever you go you often create an atmosphere of elation and optimism.

- You have a tendency to be led by lofty aspirations to an easy life. You often complain about your emotional and physical state. Eventually you can cause people to tire of you and even doubt your honesty concerning your well being. Sometimes you waste lots of time on small talk and fruitless dreaming instead of realistic activity. You have difficulty forcing yourself to do uninteresting, everyday chores, especially if finances and household economy are involved. You often cannot resist buying something that catches your eye sometimes causing you to exceed your budget.

Curse

"Hell with you...you will never ever lead a happy life...die a rotten death..."

What do we do when we get angry? What do we do when someone inflicts pain? What do we do when we are hurt by someone's loss caused by that drunk driver? What do we do...???

Have you ever felt like cursing someone?? Someone who took away your happiness, someone who made you cry, someone who took you for granted, someone who abused you or told you that you are a piece of junk who is good-for-nothing and cannot do anything right...Have you cursed this someone???

If the answer is 'Yes'...then my friend...read on...
even if the answer is 'no' you may still want to read further...

A person (lets call him Layman1) meets his friend(Layman2) over dinner and while they talk about distant fancy things they are quick to pick up a quarrel and Layman1 swears on Layman2 and calls him a rogue, an idiot and a total ass. Layman2 smirked and said ..." Thank you for your appeal but I have the right to discard this. And hence I do not accept this appeal that you have just made."
Of course, just like you and me Layman1 did not understand what he just said.
So...Layman2 continues ..."I offered some gifts to God, but it so happened that God was displeased with my gifts as they were not desirable and he decided to return it. Where do you think God will bring back the gifts to?"
Layman1 "To you of course, because you made the rotten offering."
Layman2 "Exactly. Just like how you cursed me but it was rotten and I did not like it, I gave it back to you. My friend you have just called yourself 'a rogue, an idiot and a total ass."
Layman1 was embarrassed.

The point is clear. Do not curse anybody no matter what amount of pain you are going through. I was taught at a very early stage that if I cursed someone I was bringing God's wrath unto myself.

Though you may argue that curses do come true...think about it...if you curse someone swearing they should lose their job/money and lets say the same comes true...imagine the pain the person you cursed must be going through...and you are automatically subjected to misery because you brought disaster unto your brother and who are we to punish people? anybody who does not take care of his brother has to suffer...because we are all responsible for each other.

This is very complicated...I can sense it too...but the only thing I want to believe in is I should never bring pain unto others and I must never curse!

Sadly enough, I have cursed some people and regret for having done so...All I can do is pray for them and their well being.

And so you decide!

Kingdom of the Mad...

Here's a story I read and I strongly believe it applies closely to the world in general....

'A powerful Wizard who wanted to destroy an entire kingdom, placed a magic potion in the well from which all the inhabitants drank. Whoever drank that water would go mad.
The following morning, the whole population drank from the well and they all went mad, apart from the king and his family, who had a well set aside for them alone, and which the magician had not managed to poison. The king was worried and tried to control the population by issuing a series of edicts governing security and public health. The policemen and the inspectors, however, had also drunk the poisoned water and they thought the king's decision were absurd and resolved to take no notice of them.
When the inhabitants of the kingdom heard these decrees, they became convinced that the king had gone mad and was now giving nonsensical orders. They marched on the castle and called for his abdiction.
In despair, the king prepared to step down from the throne, but the queen stopped him, saying: "Let us go and drink from the communal well. Then, we will be the same as them."
And that was what they did: the king and the queen drank the water of madness and immediately began talking nonsense. Their subjects repented at once; now that the king was displaying such wisdom, why not allow him to continue ruling the country?
The country continued to live in peace, although its inhabitants behaved very differently from those of its neighbours. And the king was able to govern until the end of his days.'

Courtesy: Paulo Coelho


Such is the world. The deserving people do not get their reward here because the world is mad. I believe there is a greater reward for each one of us, who know that what little we do, we do it from our hearts.

Sane people are really considered 'MAD' in this world!

And the only way you can survive here is...to become mad...

Absolutely MAD!