Thank goodness!

Kishore sat down on the worn out bench in the park. For 40 years now, every Saturday he and Pushpa would come to park, go for a stroll and then sit down on the bench. Watching children play, teens holding hands and vendors selling small eats.

'Do you want groundnuts?' Kishore asked Pushpa.
'I want Kulfi today.' She told Kishore.
'Kulfi? No no. No sugar for you. The doctor has said strictly said no.' Kishore insisted.
'Doctor has said no. But I want Kulfi.'
'Ayyoo... you and your sweet tooth. When will you listen to you doctor?'
'Never' she laughed.
'Fine. Ok. But we'll share.'

Kishore got up from the bench, walking slowly towards the kulfi guy. He bought one pista kulfi for his wife. He unwrapped the kulfi with his trembling hands.
'Shall I?' asked Pushpa
'No. No.' Kishore announced
'Here... eat and give me one half. Don't eat it fully.'
'Ok' Pushpa smiled and knew she wouldn't share it.

'It's getting really hot these days.' Kishore said, as he wiped away the sweat off Pushpa's forehead.
'Enough, Kishore. What if people see?' Pushpa said shying away.
'My wife is sweating, who else will wipe her forehead? That kulfi fellow huh?' Kishore asked authoritatively.
'You give me that kerchief, I will wipe it myself. Still thinking you are a young chap.'
'Ya, I'm young only.'
'Ayyooo, tell that to your 4 grandchildren.' Pushpa laughed

'Pushpa, where is my Kulfi?'
'I finished it.'
'What?'
'It was too small.' Pushpa smiled like a naughtly imp
'Too small? You are only behaving like a small girl. Still thinking you are the Pushpa sitting in our college canteen and eating ice creams.'
'How much ice cream I used to eat no, Kishore?'
'Ya, all my pocket money I used to spend on your ice creams only.'
'Hee hee hee.' Pushpa laughed

Pushpa and Kishore were married for 40 years. They had 2 lovely children and 4 grandchildren. They were a happy middle class family, content with everything in life. They had a home filled with love and their hearts were filled with peace.

A young couple sat beside Kishore and Pushpa on the adjacent bench. The boy was asking if the girl wanted something to eat. To which she just shrugged her shoulders and said 'Just shut up. Don't try to butter me.'
'I'm not trying to butter you.'
'You first say sorry for what you did.'
'I didn't do anything wrong.'
'You came 1 hour late and we missed the movie. So say sorry.'
'I told you I had to attend the special class in maths. I already flunked last semester.'
'I don't care. I DON'T CARE. SAY SORRY' she started shouting.

Kishore and Pushpa stayed silent. They didn't want to intrude. Every couple should know how to sort issues between themselves. It's best a stranger stays away from giving his opinion unless asked for.

'SAY SORRY. SAY SORRY. SAY SORRY.'
The girl kept screaming on top of her voice. It was good that the park was crowded and her voice was drained in the sounds of children playing, swings swaying, adults laughing at the laughter club. But to Kishore and Pushpa, this noise was unbearable. But they stayed calm. Ignoring the old couple, the boy and girl continued their fight.

Kishore turned and looked at Pushpa. A little smirk on his face. He wrote in her notebook, 'Thank goodness, Pushpa, that we cannot speak. I wouldn't have known how to handle this kind of screaming.'
In reply to which Pushpa wrote, 'I'm sure you would become deaf also!'
To which both of them laughed loudly. Audible only to their hearts. They both got up and slowly walked back.
Thankful and content.

Do you remember...

"Happy Anniversary dear" Anand spoke as he lifted his glass of wine.
Ritu didn't speak a word. He had come back home late from work. Anand had never once come on time for his wedding anniversary celebrations. And this was a special year. Their 10th wedding anniversary. They had been married for 10 years. But they had been in love for the past 20 years. Ritu wanted to spend this anniversary alone with Anand, reminiscing about their life together.
"Do you remember the first day I met you?"
He looked at Ritu, who was not interested in giving him an answer.
"You were leaving home for tuition. Your scooty, your old worn out scooty wouldn't start. I had just moved into the building and as I was parking my bike next to yours I saw you scrambling with the kick-start. I offered to help. But you just shoved me away, as if I were a scum and you left to your tuition walking, your face red with irritation. You looked like a tomato."
Ritu was silent. As if not interested in Anand's small talk. She knew he was just trying to calm her down. She was in no mood to talk to Anand. She just remained silent.
"Do you remember our big fight?" He continued.
"You did not do well in your exam and you did not tell your marks to your parents. Whereas I announced my marks to my parents, who in turn informed your parents and you were caught red handed. How much I laughed that day" Anand laughed loudly at Ritu's plight.
"You called me to the terrace and asked me to explain why I had to announce my marks. We fought and you walked away, determined to never talk to me again in your life. But Ritu, that is the day I fell in love with you. Irony isn't it? To fall in love with the girl who screams at you mercilessly?"
Ritu was getting restless as he narrated this incident. What was Anand's point? That Ritu was always losing her temper and that Anand was the one who compromised? She was annoyed at him. But she sat still.
"Do you remember how you wanted to get drunk on the eve of our wedding?" Anand giggled, his boyish laughs suddenly seemed to surface.
"You asked for vodka and pepsi. I gave you only a tall glass of Pepsi and told you I had vodka mixed in it. How much you laughed and danced that night Ritu. You were not even drunk but you were doing the drunken dance! And you should have seen the look on your face when I finally told you there was no vodka in that glass. You silly girl."
"And Ritu do you remember the first time you made biryani for me?" Anand kept his glass of wine down on the table.
"It tasted nothing like biryani"
"ha ha ha ha ha ha ha" he laughed out loud
"But we ate. We ate and laughed. Laughed and ate. We finished the biryani and swore to each that we would always buy biryani from Nawaz uncle's place."

Anand was silent. Humming. Slowly. He turned to look at Ritu. She was calm.

"You are so beautiful, Ritu" Anand spoke
"And you are beautiful because you have given me so many memories to live. Sweet, sour, bitter. We have had a great life together."

Anand took Ritu's picture in his hands. He brushed his fingers on her lips. It was their honeymoon picture. They had gone to Shimla. Ritu had her arms wrapped around Anand. She was trying to keep herself warm from the biting cold. She looked happy and comfortable. Anand looked proud.

"Ritu, how can someone as beautiful as you bring so much pain on herself?" Anand asked slowly
"Do you remember how I cried when you were lying on our bed, lifeless and dead? You don't remember. That was the last time I cried, Ritu. I cried till I dried myself out. I can't cry anymore. Even if I try to, I can't.I drink hoping to cry. But I can't cry"

Anand looked at the empty chair beside him. Ritu's dupatta adorned on it. Anand rocked on his chair. Humming. Slowly.

"Do you love me, Ritu?" He asked the empty chair beside him and dozed off. 

Ajith wants to meet Naaz...

I was sitting by my window wondering what my life was coming to. I had a job, I had a super awesome friend, I had a loving family but something was missing from my life.

It was almost 5 years since Dev and I stopped talking. After the cultural event at IIT... I struggled to find him and after 3 months of efforts, I found him. We had no social networking sites then, and I wasn't too much of a Google surfer... but I found him and it was not an entirely pleasant meeting....

****

I was sitting on a wooden bench at St. Vincent De Paul's... I told the security guards, I had come to check out the diploma courses being offered... they believed me and let me in... I was sitting by the chapel and waiting for the Physics class to be dismissed... 'his class gets over at 1:15 and he comes this way' Bharghavi informed me, as told by her friend from the same college...She opted to stay out, to avoid overwhelming him. I liked that. I wanted to meet him alone.

The bell rang and I saw students walking out... My eyes searched for Dev... I spotted him... he was wearing a white shirt and brown khakis... his hair neatly combed, calculating something in his mind.... suddenly everything else became blur... I could only see him.. the gentle wind playing with his soft hair... an occasional dimple.... I lost myself, ONCE AGAIN.... Dev... with whom I fell in love at first sight and every single sight...

'Dev'

"Yeah?" He spoke, and even as he did, my heart skipped a beat.

'Hi!' I spoke softly

"erhmmm...." he mumbled in doubt

Is he pretending? Or did he really forget me?

'Naaz... Remember?'

"Not really" he spoke with confidence

'Oh Ok' I said... and tears started swelling...

'I was waiting to see you Dev and now you say you don't remember me... you know it hurts Dev.. it hurts so bad... forgive me cos I hurt you too... but it was not such a big crime....' I was wailing in silence

I started walking away... I was ashamed of myself... I wanted to kick myself so hard...

"Naaz" that heavenly voice spoke...."Naaz wait...."

I turned back and saw Dev... He was running towards me... a smile on his face... the smile I yearned for...

"So? Madam? Felt like seeing me only now?"

I was started crying loudly now... like an idiot... I was stupid to have thought Dev was serious about having forgotten me... His classmates blinked at him and he assured them that everything was fine... he held me by my arm and pushed me to a corner....

"Stop crying Naaz..." he consoled me

'I'm so sorry Dev... I really am...'

"Sorry for what? I'm sorry for not informing you that I was leaving... I'm so sorry Naaz..."

'No I'm sorry...'

"Ok c'mon... No more sorries! Remember No thanks! No Sorry! between friends.... your philosophy!"

I laughed. And that's when I realized Dev was still holding me. I stopped and looked at him.

'It's hurting me... you are strong....' I spoke trying to ease myself out of his grip.

He roared in laughter. Our hearts were at peace.

"I left behind a note with my number and contact details for you with the security guard. Didn't you get it?"

'WHAT??? NOOOO! I didn't! I will murder him! I really will....'

"We'll ask Bhargavi to do that... cos I don't want you to go to jail..."

'Well, HA HA HA. Good joke Mr. Dev. If that's the case then I might as well murder you too!" Bhargavi spoke.

'Bhargavi!' I squealed in joy.

'You dare sideline me, mister and miss!!!' she demanded.

"Erhmm... I won't. Sorry we won't." Dev assured her.

'I' was slowly becoming 'we' and I felt a sudden sting of pain that I cannot describe... it was a pain that brought with it immense happiness...

****

Dev and I started going out, though not very often and Bhargavi would always tag along. During times when Bhargavi wouldn't make it, we'd go to the beach and play scrabble. We loved playing scrabble together. I always defeated Dev. Though sometimes I felt he let me win.

Dev and I never really fell in love. Though it's not completely true. I fell in love with one the first day. But I don't know what love's definition is. For me it was joy. Peace. And losing myself. We were happy in each other's company. But, one day, even that was gone. After that...my heart was always heavy... like I had lost something really dear...

I had a new friend in my life now, Ajith. Dev's sibling. Weird, but though it feels like I'm so close to getting in touch with Dev again, it still seems far impossible... After our meeting in the train, we exchanged our phone numbers.

I never call him, but Ajith never fails to text me every morning wishing me a great morning. I don't always reply back, but he makes sure I'm reminded of him everyday! Today I was going to meet him at a coffee shop... he wanted to talk...

Since morning I have this numb feeling... the hesitance, the doubts... I had been sitting by my window aimlessly watching birds fly and people walk....thinking what my life was coming to...

What is he going to talk? Is it about Dev? What had Dev told Ajith about me?

The thought was killing me.

When Naaz met Dev - Part 3

At least I thought he was smiling. He was still glaring at me.

'Why are you glaring at me?'
"Why shouldn't I?"
'You make me uncomfortable...'
"You made me nervous"
'I did? When?'
"By standing right in front of my eyes"
'It was not intentional plus you were not even looking at me'
"I did it on purpose... whenever I looked at you I felt funny"
'Oh'
"Yes"

"Naaz?"
'Huh?'
"Dev has been trying to tell you something for the past 2 mins, where have you been madam?"
'Huh? what?'
"Are you OK Naaz?"
'Yes yes. Yes I am.'
"Spaced out again?" he asked.
'Yes kinda.'
"How did you like our performance?"
'Oh it was awesome. You play the guitar so well'
"Thank you."

It was so weird. Just sometime back Dev and I were having a conversation. But here he was talking to me as though nothing had happened.

I must be mad. Mental dialoguing. That's normal!

"What say Naaz if we go and grab a bite?"
'I want to watch the rest of the show.'
What the hell did I just say?
"As you wish."
'Owwwwwwwwwwwwww' Bhargavi pinched me hard.
"Just what do you think you're doing? Why don't you go with him?"
People were looking at me and I pretended to enjoy the show. To cover it all up I yelled again, to make people believe I was actually cheering the band.
"What a loser!"
I looked at Dev. He was simply listening to the music and composing mental notes and playing it on his invisible guitar.
'Dev, let's get something to eat.'
"Are you sure?"
'Yes.'
"Come lets go" jumped Bhargavi.
'Why are you coming?'
"I'm sorry is this a date? And I'll get lost here you fool."

We walked in silence. As though Dev had just proposed. And I had just said yes.

WTH. It was food after all. I was going to gorge on it once I saw it. I'd forget his very existence at that moment.

I prayed I don't hog and spoil my reputation.

"Frankie?" He asked
'No I'm dieting.'
"Whoa!" Dev and Bhargavi cried in unison.
'Yah. What's the big deal. I'm trying to lose some weight.'
"Yah right. You do have a fat... ego!" Bhargavi screamed. "Do they have diets for all this?"
GRRRRR
"Ok chill. What do you want to eat Naaz" Dev spoke softly.
'I'll have some juice. Pome'
"I'll get it. Bhargavi get me one chicken tikka frankie please while I get Naaz her drink."
"I'll do that."
She started walking up to the counter but I stopped her.
'I'll get it for him.'
"Oh the Loves!"
'BLAH BLAH.'
One chicken tikka frankie please.

He was frying the thin egg paranthas on the pan. The yummy aroma of onions and chilli and chicken tikka applied on the fried parantha and rolled into the delicacy just made my mouth water.

"Ah Naaz, here's your drink."
'And here's your frankie'
"Thanks a lot!"
'No thank you. We're friends.'
"Oh the philosophy!"
I blushed.

"I've never tried Pome juice ever." Dev spoke.
'Ah you must try. It's good.' I said sipping.
"Ok." and he looked away.
Bhargavi gave me the looks.
What?
Learn to share!
Ohhhh!
Ohhhhhhhhh.
'Erm, do you want a sip?'
"I don't mind." He said and took a sip.

He took a sip. From my straw. The very same straw.

At this point I should have probably felt happy or funny or get that really weird feeling you usually get.
But I did the most silliest and stupidest thing any girl would do, and I had to suffer the consequence of my action for a long time to come.

I threw the straw.

When Naaz met Dev - Part 2

I couldn't sleep that night. I was in no mood to answer Bhargavi's call either.
'3 missed calls' I read
Let that be...
I just couldnt stop thinking about Dev...he was not exceptionally good looking, he didn't have silky black hair or a fair complexion... nothing about him was mind blowing... but he stole my heart
he had the most capturing smile I had ever seen in my life... soft and deep, he had the best dimples in the whole wide world, one on each cheek. It blew me away. I don't remember anything of him except for those little dimples on his cheeks... I got up from my bed and looked at myself in the mirror... and smiled, no dimple...
I put more pressure into my smile... still no signs of a dimple...
I tried harder and harder till my cheeks hurt and my lips turned pale... and I gave up!
sigh, guess you have to be born with it.
my phone sounded just then and with that it fell on the ground.
damn you vibration mode.
'1 new message' it read
Naaz stop thinking about Dev and call me back

'What the hell is it Bhargavi?'
"Yeah you're annoyed that I knew what you were upto."
'Yes precisely. WTH! OK tell me what's up?'
"You wanna go to IIT tomorrow?"
'No' I said but my heart yearned to meet him once again
"Of course you want to. Stop pretending. Let's go tomorrow too. We will rot at home otherwise."
'I'm not sure man'
"OK you think about it. Tomorrow there's going to be a light music event and your dream boy is going on stage. Bye."
'WHAT?!!'
No response
'Hello? Hey I'm coming.... we're going... hey...'
I messaged her back.

I couldnt contain my feelings anymore... the very fact that I was going to see him again drove me crazy... I saw myself smiling again, but again there was no sign of a bloody dimple.

I dont remember when I fell asleep but I woke up at 6. 6 AM! I had never seen day at this time ever in my life before.
"Today there's going to heavy rainfall , thanks to you Naani" my mum spoke with glee.
'sad joke mum. where's dadu?'
"Morning walk. Nathan's gone with him too. Plan on joining them?"
'You think? I'll sit on this swing instead.'
"Lazy butt. Go brush and freshen up."
'ya ya ya. You go na mum. let me be.'
she gave me one knock on the head and walked off.
'Ahhhh... mum... you're such a kid.'
"with you monkeys around... what do you expect me to be?" she spoke as she entered the kitchen
I loved my mum for her child like heart. She always treated me like her friend and I never hid anything from her as though she was my gossip mate of sorts.
"Mr. Zachariah. I think there is going to be heavy rain today. I see the cause sitting right in front of me" spoke Nathan
"I have to agree my son. Your sister has stirred a storm by waking up so early. Are you alright Naani?"
'Dadu you too? Nathan I understand is retarded but you too? che che... what a shame!'
"You dont call me retarded you mother of retard society"
"Ok stop it you both." my dad spoke "tell me child, how did you wake up this early? are you alright?"
'Yes dadu. I am' I spoke hugging my dad who had started resembling a panda bear.
"She must be in love" Nathan spoke hurriedly and gave me a knock on the head.
I was petrified. I had not even started behaving like I was in love and this guy speaks my head.
"If Naani ever falls in love, she'll get him introduced to mum and me first, won't you Naani?"
'Yes dadu. I will.'
"Come let's eat."
"Go wash first. Dirty boys." Mrs. Sarah Zachariah, my mum, ordered.

I was having my last Dosa when Bhargavi entered.
"Come in Bhargavi. Join us for breakfast."
"Thank aunty. I'll just have juice."
'I quickly poured some mango juice into my glass, leaving her very little but just enough.'
"Naaz you freak." Nathan jolted
'I love mango juice ok? Bhargavi knows it too.'
"Yes I do. this will do for me. thanks Naaz" she glared

I got dressed shortly and left to IIT with Bhargavi.

"Only you like mango juice? I like it too. You glutton."
'I don't care man. I love it more than you do. Everybody knows that.'
"How mean"
'tell me one thing...what are your thoughts on love?'
"waste of time and energy and money and friends and"
'OK that's enough.'
"Ok"

May be Bhargavi was right. Falling in love would mean losing your friends, your time, your energy, your concentration... but who is she to talk? She was not in love... how could she testify against it even without experiencing it?

'Erm Bhargavi I didn't bring my ID card today too.'
"No issues. Today IIT is open to all absent minded people like you."
'Ya right.'
"Let's head to the OAT, that's where the show's supposed to happen"
'Begin. Not happen.'
"STOP CORRECTING MY GRAMMAR" she screamed.

I couldn't hear anything for the next 5 mins.

We squeezed ourselves through the crowd and somehow made it to the front row. The MC announced the participating colleges and when she said 'Vincent De Paul' My heart skipped a beat. I was beginning to feel funny. Bhargavi nudged me and winked. I grew pink in tension.
After a long and anxious wait, Vincent De Paul came on stage. I saw him. Again. And I was almost about to faint. Standing right in front was not a good idea after all. He always looked at the last few rows. He was holding his guitar like he was holding a precious little piece of property. I wished I was the guitar.
"Let's wave at him."
'Are you mad?'
But she was already waving at him. Some guy behind Dev smiled back at Bhargavi.
"Yuck! Why is he smiling at me?"
I laughed out loud.
'you guys will look so cute together' I laughed
"enough. your man is staring at you."
My heart stopped beating. I looked at him and yes, he was staring at me.
shucks he thinks I am laughing at him or something.
Oh gosh... ermm... I tried smiling at him... he looked away
I was feeling so uncomfortable, I wanted to run away...
I looked at him again but he was smiling at the crowd behind... like I did not exist in the crowd... his performance was done and as he walked off the stage he did not even turn and look at me once...
'Am I invisible? Or am I ugly?'
"Invisible I'm sure you're not... ugly... hmm may be" Bhargavi joked
with that whatever little tear was beginning to form also vanished...
'OK let's go. I'm not liking it here.'
"You go. I'm here!"
just then some guy pushed me as he made his way through the crowd and stood right in front of me. I recognized the head. The shirt. The physique.
He turned back and smiled.
DEV!

May be Bhargavi was right. Love makes you lose... I lost myself.

when Naaz met Dev

'What's taking you so long man Naaz, you moron?' Bhargavi screamed
"I'm coming... coming... coming..."
I ran down quickly with earrings in one hand, watch in my mouth and floaters in the other hand.
'What the hell are you wearing?'
"Why what's wrong with this Kurti?"
'Can't you wear something called a t-shirt? we're going to a rock concert for goodness sake!'
"I can't 'dress up' to see some stupid guys sing..."
'Stupid guys? What's wrong with you? It's IIT man... stupid guys don't exist there!'
"I don't care. I'm wearing this. It's final!"
'ok whatever. you cant ask a donkey to sing!'
"Yeah, because you can't speak their language"
'OMG I can't even laugh for this poor joke. Ok you want to take the merc or the corolla?'
"Well from what I can make out from a Honda Activa and a Kinetic Honda parked right in front of us, I'll say let's take the Honda Activa!"
'Ok merc is it!'
"Yeah our super merc machaa. Let's go."

The show was to begin at 6 ish. We started from my place at 4 sharp. On a Sunday the roads are usually empty, but knowing Bhargavi's riding skills, we chose to not take a risk.

"Bhargavi do you really like rock?"
'huh you think?'
"then why the hell are we going to IIT?"
'Guys. Hot. cute. Lots of them.'
"OMG. Not again. What's the point man. You'll look at them. No one will look at us."
'Ayee shaadappp' I was interrupted
"Ok they might look at you and then? you'll look. that's it! and then we'll get back home and talk about them. Arre they wont even realize we are exist on this planet!"
'What a waste load on earth you are Naaz. I'll tell you today you'll meet your man.'
"My man is invisible man. Doesn't exist."

We reached IIT at 5:30 PM. the place was jam packed...I'm sure I've never seen so many guys all together in one place ever in my life. It was like I was standing in a Savannah grassland, except the grass were guys. And Bhargavi was right. They were hot and cute.

"IIT rocks" I thought.
'Naaz..?'
"Yes Bhargavi. I like it. Let's go."
'What? stupid girl. we have to show our ID card in order to enter.'
"WHAT? I don't have mine!" I almost screamed.
'OMG Naaz. why do you always do this man?'
"What? I didnt do it on purpose. I tend to forget. I'm human.."
'That I know... oh shucks, we're in a mess man...'
"I'm so sorry man..." I was almost in tears. I didnt even get to see one guy up close.

'Excuse me? Are you planning on standing here forever or will you move?' A strong musk scented guy spoke.
'I'm sorry. Please go ahead.' Bhargavi spoke irritatedly.

But I kept still. I didn't move. I saw him and I knew. Bhargavi rudely pulled me away.
'What a mean guy.' she spoke.
No he's so cute
Anyway that's not the point. How the hell do we get in?'
"I'll ask him..."
'Are you mad? What will you ask him?'

I couldn't hear her anymore... I was walking towards my man.

"I want to go in..." I spoke...
'Yeah so go. Why you telling me that?'
"Huh? I want to go in with you..." I smiled...
'Are you nuts?' he asked me almost shaking me...
"Yikes! why are you staring into my eyes? where is bhargavi?"
'Girl... you need help!'
"Yes... I'm lost!"I smiled again...
'But your friend's right there' he pointed
Bhargavi stood there hitting her head hard against the tree. I was probably in a trance.

"Ok mister... I just spaced out ok? You don't have to act too smart. I don't have my ID card and I also want to watch the show. Ok? Ok? Ok?"
'Ok listen, just walk in with me... I'm a participant here. So I get to stay in campus and I'm allowed to bring in visitors. I'll tell him you're my friend and you can get in. is that fine?'
That is very wonderful my loverly man...
"Yes yes yes... that'd be great... super awesome... OMG... that's so sweet"
'Ok hold on...'
He spoke to the security at the gate and he gestured me to stand next to him. He smelled fresh. I was beginning to lose my self again...
'Dev Mathew' he said..
"Naaz Zachariah" I held out my hand
But he was looking at the security guy. What a fool I was. He was filling in details about himself at the gate.
Dev Mathew I thought...

'Hey...'
Dev Mathew and Naaz Zachariah... Nah, Naaz Dev sounds good... better Naaz Dev Mathew sounds nice... Dev... Dev...
'HEY...'
"huh? Oh I'm sorry... I was.. I was..."
'Not an issue... come on in... let's get inside!'
"Where is Bhargavi?"
'She's coming right behind you.'
"Thank you Dev."
'You're welcome Miss?'
"Naaz. Naaz Zachariah"
'Well it's to meet you Naaz. You're inside IIT. Have fun.'
You're leaving?
Don't leave... Please... please...
'Hmmm I should be going now...'
Noooooooooo.... nahiiiiiiiii...........

'Hey there, thanks a ton for the help.' Bhargavi spoke
'Chill. My pleasure. Take care of your friend.'
I want you to take care of me...
'Yes I will. Hey, which college?'
'Vincent De Paul. and you?'
'Oh we're from St. Clare's'
'Awesome. Hey I should be going now... Gotta practice...'
'Bye Dev.'
'Bye Bhargavi.'
He looked at me sweetly and spoke softly, as though I was a retarded kid...
'Bye Naaz'
but he winked...

No byes for us Dev...

'Let's go now Naaz... we're late!'

I turned back one last time... he was walking away... slowly...and suddenly he turned back too...

this time I winked back!

Book of memories...

I sat down in my veranda. It had been raining, continuously for the past 3 days. No regrets on that, since I'd got a day off. I took the newspaper, shook it for a second, slowly all the hidden leaflets and advertising pamphlets fell on the floor and I kicked them away. Most of them were unattractive works of some boring ad agency. I found the Subway menu leaflet, picked it up quickly and secured it under my stack of books. I thrived on subs on weekends.

As I sipped my tea, I skimmed through the newspaper. After 10 mins I kept it away and picked up a novel from the stack.

Thump.

Next I know, a hard bound book fell on my head. Ouch!

I picked it up and I connected with it immediately. It was my secret diary. I dusted the top. The logo, still intact, read: Diary 1995.



"Naaz take this packet of chocolates and distribute it to your new friends at school."
I don't want to.
"Ah. Your call."

I picked it up anyway, but without her knowledge.

My dad dropped me at St. Ignatius School. I saw the huge school campus through the iron gates. There were too many academic blocks and play areas and girls decked in green and yellow walking all about the place.

'I don't want to go in,' I wished aloud.

"There Naaz! Your new school. Aren't you happy?" my dad asked.
No.
"Naaz? Don't be scared. You deserve to be here. Remember you topped the entrance test. You will do well. Now go in" he assured me.
I looked at him. A tiny drop of tear rolled down my cheeks. But I quickly wiped it away.
"I'll come with you." he said

My father always knew what I was thinking.

We reached the principal's office. Sr. Agnes greeted us and my dad spoke at length about me. She walked up to me and told me, 'Naaz is going to be a bright student and make us all proud.'
My dad smiled and gestured me to acknowledge her good comments.
I smiled at Sr. Agnes. I liked her. She had a very calm face and I was not scared of this school anymore. I held her hand.
My dad waved us good bye and left to work.
Sr. Agnes walked me to my classroom.
As I stood outside 8-C, I was trembling and all shaky. I couldn't look up at my class. Sr. Agnes introduced me to my teacher and my classmates. One glance, and they were all snickering. I was dressed in a red and black frock and I was extremely intimidated by all the others dressed in the school uniform. I wanted to run away. Sr. Agnes smiled at me and left me to the mercy of my class.

I was sweating profusely.

"Go sit there" spoke Ms. Catherine, pointing at the second row from back.
The girl seated on the bench made weird faces but managed to smile at me. Fake.
I had to squeeze my way through to get to sit on that bench. Sandwiched between Rekha and Lavanya, I was feeling sick already.

"When is your birthday Naaz" asked Ms. Catherine.
'November 21, 1995' I spoke timidly
The class was roaring in laughter.
'She's just few hours old man' laughed Rekha.
I didn't' understand first. Later I realized. I was obviously nervous. That's why I blurted out the wrong year. I was embarrassed due to the reaction my class gave. But I was hurt when Ms. Catherine did not stop them and instead joined them in laughing.

Lavanya squeezed my hand and gestured me to sit down. I sat down, crying.
"Don't cry Naaz." she spoke
I looked at her and she was smiling, generously.
"Please don't cry Naaz. Take this."
She offered me a candy. I refused the offer. I stopped crying because Lavanya asked me to.

After 2.5 hours of history, and prose and geography, it was time for lunch. The whole class walked out in gangs. Only Lavanya stayed putt. I stayed back, because I was not comfortable yet. Besides, no one seemed to care to welcome a new friend.

Lavanya offered me her lunch. I noticed she had two slices of bread with strawberry jelly smeared on it.
'Is this enough Lavanya?' I asked
"Should be." She replied.
'I have lunch. Let me take it out.' I told her
"No no don't. You're not supposed to eat here." she said
Then why is she eating here? I wondered
"Only I can eat here."
'Oh.' I spoke quickly.

How rude. I thought she was being nice to me, but she is a bully. She eats here but does not allow me to do the same. No one sits with her because she is such a bully. I am such a fool to have thought she is nice.

I got up and walked up to the black board. I started drawing random figures on it. I'm not having lunch because of Lavanya. She promptly finished her lunch. I'll eat on my way back home. She had the nerve to tell me not to open my lunch box here, while she sat and ate like a queen.

I heard Lavanya moving benches to get up from her seat. God she is making too much noise, I thought. Why can't she get up without making so much noise. I turned back and noticed Lavanya struggling. Let her be. She finally made her way out. She walked towards the door. I found her walk weird. She limped slightly. Must have hurt herself, I thought.

She smiled at me as she passed by me. I smiled back coldly. I quickly looked at her feet to see why she was limping.

She limped away to the washroom. I followed her. Tears in my eyes. I understood everything.

I stood beside her while she washed her hands.

'I'm sorry Lavanya.'
"For?" she asked.
I ran away .

Lavanya will never be able to wear the same canvas shoes that helped me run from the washroom to my class.

I hope to never wear the wooden shoes that made Lavanya limp.

Oh God, I don't know who is normal. Whether I'm good. Forgive me if you want to. And thank you for these feet.


I wrote this prayer that night. Silly me, I told myself, as I closed the book.

Naaz's dream...

Dev said bye .. and I murmured ...

when you said good bye I was still in tears. you don't how much I cried. how would you know? I'm your torturer... sometimes love dies silently. may be my love died. may be you think so. but i know nothing without you.
you taught me how to smile.
you taught me how to laugh till i cried.
you always held me tight when i cried.
you always heard me.
your voice always brought me peace. i cant explain. you wont understand.
thank you for whatever you have done for me.
you know - i have never been so happy in my life.
you brought so much joy into my sad life. you dont know. you are my angel.
i wont hear your voice anymore.
it's like someone took away my ears.
i cant hear anything.
im crying now. you wont know.
im your torturer. i killed you.
i did not. but no one believes me.
tell them i did not.
please.
tell me i did not.
you are all i had in my life. i screamed when you didnt come here. i yelled when you didnt say nice things.
i was mad.
but i only came to you.
may be i shouldn't have come so often.
why is this happening?
you wont understand me.
im a killer.
im not.
i want to hear your laugh. its ringing in my ear. but im human.
i will forget.
i dont want to.
please. i want to hear you laugh. again.
forever.
i wont promise that i wont fight again.
but i promise to never provoke you.
i provoked you didnt i?
is a sorry enough?
what should i do?
tell me please. i will do anything. for you.
my world.
come back to me please.
im going mad. i dont want to.
i dont like it.
your voice is dying. slowly. but it is happening.
i dont want it to stop happening.
it shouldn't die.
what will i do?
im ashamed. i'm your killer.
i made you go mad.
i killed you happiness.
im a torturer.
im not. believe me
please.
you wont understand.
i have loved you truly. didnt i?
dont say no...
im not ur killer.
you wont understand.

you're my world. mine.
just mine.

I got up sweating...

The unposted letter...

Dear R,

I don't know if I will ever post this letter to you. I read your letter again and again. Why did you write this line, 'you were such a nice friend to me. I really really miss you a lot. I love you.' My heart aches to read these lines.

I feel ashamed to say this, but I have not been a good friend. I lied to you. I left you because you told me about that man who harassed you. I left because you loved that man. I left you because my heart cringed on the thought that you had no choice but love that man. The man who knew you even before you were born. The same hands that fed you were now tearing you apart. I left you because I was scared that my worst dream had come true. I read about it in books. I never thought something like that could happen to a girl, a girl so innocent as you. I left because I was getting extremely depressed. I left because after you slept I would stay awake to make sure you wouldn't hurt yourself out of pain. I left because every time I saw your face I felt like crying. I left because I could not collect myself to talk to my parents and tell them I was depressed. I left because I loved you but could not bear the fact that you were going through hell. I left because I started losing my appetite and I felt disgusted thinking about that guy. I left because after you narrated the incident, you became your normal happy self again. You cried like a mad girl but in minutes you were laughing. I left because I was scared you were going to turn mad. I left because you showed me his picture. I left because I saw the smirk on his face and my stomach churned. I left because I was not able to count, concentrate, sleep. I left because sir screamed at me. I left because he mocked at me for being me. I left because his presence was making me tremble. I left because you said I'm your best friend. I left because I knew I wouldn't be able to manage.

I lied to sir that I got an admission for dental science. I still remember that sly smile on his face. I had no other choice. I was trapped. My only hope was this lie. And I couldn't' tell you the truth. I couldn't lie to you. I loved you but I was weak. I am ashamed.

I never became a doctor. I don't know if you are a doctor. I hope you are happy.

I hope you will forgive me like how you forgave that man.

Yours ever

Naaz

And everything came back alive...

Dr. Manju sat down near Reema. She looked at her tiny little feet wrapped in white. She fondly remembered the first day her eyes met Reema's. She was the most beautiful child she'd ever seen.' Seven years into marriage and no child' the society would ridicule her. Reema completed Manju's life and its emptiness.
Reema was petite and very delicate for her age. She'd bruise herself all the time and the tiny droplets of tears would break Manju's heart.
'Why is Reema so careless?' asked Dr. Arjun.
'She'll grow' Manju would reply with tenderness. 'My Reema will grow.'
Reema would build mud castles and run into the house to top it with her flag but on her return she would see her master piece being stamped upon by her friends. She had no true friends. They'd call her names and make her cry. Reema would run away and hug her fig tree. She'd fondly brush her cheeks over the fruits and smile. She'd run her little fingers on the tree's trunk and say, 'one day they'll want to be my friends.'
'Mamma, do you love me?' Reema asked Manju.
Yes of course. You know you are my angel. Why do you ask me this Reema?'
'I just wanted to ask you. I like it when you say yes.'
Reema dozed off on Manju's lap. Manju looked at her, eyes welling with tears, 'I love you Reema. You brought love into my life. I cannot thank you enough.'
Manju knew Reema did not have many friends at school. She was hardly invited to birthday parties, she did not have playmates, her lunch box would come back half eaten, never shared... Manju never understood why... yet Reema never complained. She'd smile and ask her mother if she loved her and she'd always hear 'yes.' That made the child happy enough.
'Reema do you want to go out with mama on a picnic?.'
'Yes of course mama, wherever you take me.'
Sunday morning and instead of making her usual visit to the temple, Manju was busy packing Reema's favorite snack, bread rolls, some cup cakes and a bottle of apple juice. Her picnic basket was ready. Reema was busy packing her stuff into her bag that included Lila, her little bunny and Butter, her little whale.
Manju knew Reema loved the sea so she decided to take her to the nearest beach village for the picnic. She told her friends about this and they all decided to make it a family picnic sans the husband.
The bus arrived and Manju called out to Reema.
'Come quick Reema' she said.
'Let me say bye bye to my tree.'
Reema looked at her fig tree and said, 'You are my best friend. I'll miss you.'

'Can I sit here with Akhil?' Reema asked Manju.
'Of course Reema.' Manju replied.

Manju watched Reema laughing aloud. Akhil was saying funny things to her and every time she found the story too funny she's turn to look at Manju. Manju would smile and feel light. The beach village was about an hour away from the city and they were to reach there before noon. Manju was planning what games she'd execute. Now that Reema had found company she could relax in peace.
Reema was singing poems to Akhil, and she's occasionally wave 'hello' to her fellow bus mates. In the midst of her singing Reema looked at Manju and waved excitedly at her, 'bye mama. Bye bye mama.'
Before Manju could react she saw Reema's smile disappear... she lost her smile forever.

The bus had taken a sharp turn and that changed Manju's life forever. Reema's head hit against a lonely tree on the highway and that was the last Manju saw of her beautiful innocent face.

Reema's classmates cried for her... her enemies cried... her teachers, her bullies... everybody cried...they probably regretted not having treated Reema well... not having called her to their b'day parties... not having laughed with her... not having loved her... but now they wanted to be her friend...Reema had friends now...

Dr. Manju sat down near Reema. She looked at her tiny little feet wrapped in white. One last time before the fires ate her...

A Day To Remember

'It’s a fine Saturday morning!' I exclaimed. 'Oh shucks, I have to go to work but also I have an appointment with my best friend for some coffee.'

I decided to chuck work for the procrastinator in me. 'I’d rather have the piping hot coffee,' I thought.

I love the word piping, though it reminds me of this complex pipeline system that manages to flush out effluents from our homes. Ok! whatever makes me say that. I decided to wear my usual blue Capri teamed with my favorite pastel pink kurti that I keep wearing every week, no matter what, simply because it makes me feel like a model of a Westside campaign. If my mother knew I was repeating clothes at work, every single week, she’d be shattered. But then, c’mon, I have favorites, and this kurti has become a piece of my heart. I picked it from Westside and ever since it found place in my wardrobe I’ve made sure it clings to me often.

I looked for it in my cupboard, and cursed my laziness, for I do not find it neatly ironed and smelling like it was freshly dipped in fragrant water but clumsily thrown into the laundry bag that was almost overflowing.

Yikes!

The little devil in me tells me ‘Simply iron it and wear it with some perfume generously sprayed. Nobody will know.’

I was out on the streets, wearing my favorite kurti, and smelling like a ‘walking incense,’ only, this was repelling people away.

I called Bhargavi to check if she was going to pick me up or if I should make it on my own. Of course, I ask the former question in a very heart-melting innocent voice because I’m too lazy to go to anywhere on my own, and the always caring Bhargavi pulls in her Honda Activa in exactly five minutes.

“What’s that strange smell?” she asks, looking like a sniff dog.

Err, let’s go quickly. We do not want to be late for a coffee do we?

“Huh? Okay. Whoever says that for a cuppa coffee! Hop on.”

I’m quick to react. I was fiercely manipulating some witty replies, should Bhargavi ask me the “What’s that smell” question again.

My non-used lazy brain, however, could not think of anything. “I’ll just have to use my puss-in-the boots look, I suppose” I tell myself.

Bhargavi is a careful rider and that irritates me sometimes, because she signals her turn at every street, inhabited or otherwise. She also honks at every turn she takes! Man, whoever does that these days. Deep down inside my heart, I’m proud my friend follows every traffic rule and lets every human being on foot overtake her. I smiled at the old granny who just overtook us.

But, I love Bhargavi for all this. I love riding with her. At least I get to admire nature, or gasp in shock at the obscene bill boards or spot a cute guy with the 'Marlborne' helmet riding his Pulsor. I wonder why helmets make guys look cute. I prefer it that way. Really! So, one rarely gets to notice all these beauties, when on a speeding bike ride.

We come to a halt outside Barista and see it is quarter-full (for the optimist in me). Well, which hep-gang comes for a coffee in the morning, anyways? We are 'hopeless' beings and prefer coffee when there is less noise. We seat ourselves on our favorite couch, pastel green and leather.

“So, Naaz tell me why you think there is no life left in you?”

Huh? What do you mean Bharagavi?

“I’m referring to yester night’s phone conversation.”

'Oh, that.' I snicker. That was simply, zimbly you know.

I think I just cracked a light joke.

“Shut up, and tell me.”

With Bhargavi, there is no escape.

Well, err, I’m just frustrated that I’m lonely. That’s it.

“And do you know why you are lonely?”

Bhargavi, please let’s not get into that.

“See, you decided you will be lonely and why do resent it, suddenly?”

Let’s get some coffee first. I’m so scared.

“Ok, chill! I’m just concerned.”

Of course I know that.

“So devil’s own?”

Hmm, yes I guess. I’m hungry and I don’t mind some chocolate. Or, wait I’ll have some frappe. Or, hmm, what about a smoothie man?

“Naaz, decide and then stick to it.”

Bhargavi, you remind me of our principal in college!

“Yuck!”

Ok, so I’ll have a Frappe and Devil’s own.

“Ok, I’m making mine one devil’s own.”

Ok, I’m embarrassed but I have a huge appetite.

“Oh, please. Do not bother about that. We all know that and it never hurt us.”

Yay! By the way, I think we use Ok way too often!

Who cares.

We placed an order for our fill and after a hundred attempts at spelling my name right starting from Jaaz to Naat, the counter guy settled with ‘Baar-kavi,’ “easy name madam” he exclaimed.

Grr!

“Naaz, why don’t you talk to Dev? I mean…”

Bhargavi, chuck it man. Please I beg.

“Oops, sorry.”

Nah, it’s ok.

Just then the door flung open and I saw someone who gave me this weird feeling that I should instantly get down on my knees and worship the man, some Greek deity, in true Greek style. My reaction was pretty cheap. Bhargavi noticed my mouth lying open like a rhinoceros’s yawn and immediately turned to see what caused the phenomenon. Her reaction was a replay of mine. We must have looked like two cheapsters craving for some masculine presence. It took us 15 seconds to come back to our senses. We were terribly embarrassed.

Oh man, what a dirty first impression we made!

I think he gave us this, oh my goodness ‘some cheapos here’ look!

I think I also heard him say “Stop Letching you morons.” I really hope it is my imagination.

My mouth flung open again as he sat down carefully at the corner table. He quickly walked up to the counter and I think he asked for one hot coffee and that’s it.

“Oh no, if my order came anytime, I should look like a pig, eating food enough to feed some hungry villages.” I thought.

“I must cancel my order Bhargavi, it’s an emergency” I announce.

Before she could react I got up from my seat and rushed to the counter, unaware of the waiter emerging from behind the pillar to deliver my order of soul gratifying food.

What happened next was nothing less than a clash of titans. All I could think of was that the Greek God was now beaming with joy! “Serves her right! The letch.”

I hope it’s my imagination again. Bhargavi came to my rescue, flushed and extremely conscious of his presence.

The waiter was cursing me in the vernacular lingo and thank goodness I did not understand a word. I uttered a million ‘sorries’ and ran to the washroom.

Bhargavi followed me and yes, yelled at me though she kept asking me if everything was fine.

“Naaz, I hope you understand that you not only made us look like two fools but also irresponsible idiots.”

I’m sorry Bhargavi, but that guy!

“That guy, grr!”

I’m so sorry Bhargavi.

“It’s okay man. C’mon clean up and get back fast.”

I don’t know how I’m going to face him.

“Naaaaaz.”

He he he. Okay. I’ll be there in two minutes.

“Good girl.”

I came out, all flushed and not allowing my eyes to set on him, a challenge so great that I failed miserably. I saw him sipping his coffee in style and giving me a weird glance. I hope this is imagination. I really hope! I sat down on the couch, my back facing the guy and sipping the smoothie that Bhargavi ordered.

“I think the devil’s own idea was jinxed!”

You could be right.

Bhargavi signaled to me that the cute guy was leaving. I don’t know why, but both of us were instantly sad. And then suddenly Bhargavi was all alarmed and gently whispered that he was coming towards us. I so wanted to run.

And then it happened, he gently bent over and asked Bhargavi “Is everything alright?” in the squeakiest voice we’d ever heard in our lives.

Ok, now we really wanted to run.

“Err, yeah. Thanks for asking.”

He came forward to face me, beamed his smile and I pretended to look alright and not bothered and he bid goodbye, gently. I exchanged a quick goodbye while controlling my laughter. Just as soon as he stepped out, we were in splits…laughing uncontrollably.

“What on earth was that?”

I don’t know.

“Well, so much trouble for this!”

Yeah, yeah! The morons that we really are.

The Dark Alley

That was a great show! Don't you think?

"Yes of course Lila!" I said slightly disturbed

What are you gaping at? You look so lost.

"Nothing actually."

Please tell me.

"It's 8:30 PM."

So?

"I'm scared that it's too late and not safe to go back home..."

Late? It's 8:30! Oh c'mon. I've been out real late so many times. Nothings going to happen.

"But, I'm scared."

Oh please!

"I don't know...I shouldn't have stayed here for this long. I'm too scared..."

Why are you such a baby? Alright. Let's ask Dharini's mother if she would give us a lift.

"Oh Ok!" I beamed.

Aunty, would you mind dropping us off at our places. It's getting too late, and our house is on the way to your place.

"Yes Aunty. Please. " I begged.

Hmmm...Ok. Come along then.

All along the drive I was disturbed. I had never been out late without my parents and here I was today, in unknown company and a friend who claims to a brave 'tiger.' I was not ready to face the world at this age. I greatly regretted not listening to my mother. I wanted to show her I was a teenager and like Lila, I could handle things on my own. She told me, you do not know this world. The dark skies were now smirking at me. I couldn't breathe.

The car came to a sudden halt.

Can you guys get down here? I actually need to get elsewhere.

"Oh, but it's so late and my house is so far away." I spoke almost bursting into tears.

C'mon! You are 14! I'm sure you can handle this.

"Oh yes we can Aunty. Thanks for the lift." Lila spoke quickly.

I got off reluctantly.

"What were you saying?"

What?

"I'm sure we can handle this? What are you thinking?"

Nothing. We are big people now!

"No we are not. We are only 14. We do not know the world. "

Ya right.

"And that lady? She has a daughter too? I'm sure she wouldn't leave her alone like this? Look at this place...there's no one in sight. What did she think?"

She thought we were OLD!

"Which we are not Lila! You get that?"

YOU are not old! I am.

I did not wish to continue talking to someone who was pretending to be too mature for her age.

"I'll come to your place and ask Yohaan to come and pick me up. "

You know what, we should have one of those phones people have. You can call anyone from anywhere to anywhere. Cellphones. Imagine if you had one now, you could ask your brother to come over right away.

"Yeah, but I do not have a cellphone and if you do not mind I'll call Yohaan from your land phone. "

Duh! Of course.

"Lila is crazy" I thought.

First she makes me stay over at school for this late and then she talks about technical advancements I was not even interested in learning about. Then she justifies that it was all right for the lady to drop us off somewhere, nowhere in the dark. It was 9:15 and we were 2 young 14 year olds, dressed in a red shirt and a white skirt, our sports uniform, all alone on the lonely streets unaware of any impending danger.

I always preferred walking in adequately lit areas, it gave me a sense of security. Lila on the other hand was turning into some kind of a psycho who proclaimed she knew every street in and out, whether lit or otherwise. She signaled we should take a shortcut, and I strongly disagreed.

This will take us home in 2 mins. That well lit road of yours will take us home in 10 minutes.

"I do not care."

Well I do. We are both going this way.

"No we are not. "

Of course we are!

"Lila. Stop being ridiculous. Why don't you understand it's not safe."

Well, what do you know about my locality. It's absolutely safe. You can come here at 12 in the night and nothing will ever happen to you.

"Well, I don't think so Lila. "

Shut up once and for all and come.

I had no choice than to listen to this crazy female because I was too scared to take the longer route on my own. I was uncomfortable and disturbed and almost in tears for having known Lila.

"What's that sound Lila. "

Don't look. Keep walking.

I heard bikes wheeling and roaring their way into the dark. I turned and looked at them. Four men on two bikes. I was trembling with fear. I knew we were not safe.

"Lila?"

Sssssh. Do not talk. Keep walking. They will go away.

True. they went away. I regained my composure but I was now extremely scared. Lila was scared too. She was a girl too...and she couldn't cover her woman-ness with the mask of a tiger.

"Lila, they're back."

Oh my God.

"Let's hide behind the cars please. "

No. Let's keep walking.

I was right behind Lila and the bikes were nearing us now. They screeched past me and went right up to the end of the street. I knew what was going to happen. I kept walking. The ignition started again, this time they applied more acceleration and headed right in my direction. Suddenly Lila was nowhere to be seen. She was running towards a car...to hide.

I was standing all alone with two bikes approaching me...and suddenly something happened. Something really bad.

All the men swung open their arms and as they sped by me, slapped me.

I fell. Lost.

I heard some cheering behind me. I saw Lila running towards me yelling 'Naaz'

...and then I saw no more.

Opportunity lost...Smile regained

It is so difficult to give someone an opportunity...an opportunity that could change a person from being mediocre to becoming a star...
But
Sometimes opportunities that come in 'satisfaction guaranteed' or 'You are sure to become succesful' packages are deceptive...
Some opportunities come in ugly disguises but turn out be most fulfilling in terms of success...
There was once a boy who was uneducated, unemployed and spent days in hunger yet did not want to beg
He went into a temple and found that the temple required someone to ring the bell...he thought he would make a wonderful bell-boy. He asked the concerned person. The boy was sure he would fit the role and his heart filled with joy. But he was rejected on grounds that he was uneducated. He cried and kept crying all day long.
After he cried out his pain, he remained quiet for sometime and decided he would pedal goods from house to house and in this way he would earn enough money to buy himself some food. He started selling flowers. People would ask him to buy goods for them from neighboring shops and he would deliver them back home. With the money he earned he opened a mobile shop; on cycle. He soon opened a small shop in his village selling all sorts of amenities. His business picked up and he kept growing. At one point in time, he owned a chain of retail stores and was a leading business man. He was extremely famous, earned lot of respect and once during an interview someone exclaimed "You have grown so much without education. I can imagine how successful you would have been, had you studied."
With a big smile he replied, "I would have been a bell-boy."

The boy had an opportunity to ring the bell at the temple and earn money but he was not given that opportunity. And thank goodness for that!

Lot of us go through this in our lives. I have not been given so many opportunities. They could not feel the pain I went through. They could not see my tears...They could not see that my heart bled...they wanted some 'education.' Some superficial qualification. They failed to see the heart's yearning to learn. But...I know these are opportunities that ultimately do not give you any satisfaction or joy.

I don't know if this post is well written and I don't care because when I started writing this, I was crying uncontrollably but now I am smiling.

And that is what matters.

Kingdom of the Mad...

Here's a story I read and I strongly believe it applies closely to the world in general....

'A powerful Wizard who wanted to destroy an entire kingdom, placed a magic potion in the well from which all the inhabitants drank. Whoever drank that water would go mad.
The following morning, the whole population drank from the well and they all went mad, apart from the king and his family, who had a well set aside for them alone, and which the magician had not managed to poison. The king was worried and tried to control the population by issuing a series of edicts governing security and public health. The policemen and the inspectors, however, had also drunk the poisoned water and they thought the king's decision were absurd and resolved to take no notice of them.
When the inhabitants of the kingdom heard these decrees, they became convinced that the king had gone mad and was now giving nonsensical orders. They marched on the castle and called for his abdiction.
In despair, the king prepared to step down from the throne, but the queen stopped him, saying: "Let us go and drink from the communal well. Then, we will be the same as them."
And that was what they did: the king and the queen drank the water of madness and immediately began talking nonsense. Their subjects repented at once; now that the king was displaying such wisdom, why not allow him to continue ruling the country?
The country continued to live in peace, although its inhabitants behaved very differently from those of its neighbours. And the king was able to govern until the end of his days.'

Courtesy: Paulo Coelho


Such is the world. The deserving people do not get their reward here because the world is mad. I believe there is a greater reward for each one of us, who know that what little we do, we do it from our hearts.

Sane people are really considered 'MAD' in this world!

And the only way you can survive here is...to become mad...

Absolutely MAD!

The donkey brayed loud into my ear…

...and even kissed me good morning!

No…I’m not wedded to a donkey! That’s what I call my squeaky toy…that brays! It resembles a donkey, well, it is a donkey except that it has no tail. What else can you name it…a fish?

I still remember the day I got Donkey…It was my “farewell” gift. My friend Hadie shifted to another home. Of course he had to forget something. He left behind Donkey!

Donkey became mine! (I never told you it was “My Farewell” …It was Hadie’s…and donkey was my gift.)

Have you ever seen a black Donkey? No??!!

Thank goodness! I knew my donkey was unique.

He got burnt while watching the chimney. (He’s always curiously looking out for Santa Claus.)

Well that morning after Donkey woke me up, I went down to have my breakfast.

I ate. I was merry.

That’s all Folks!

No…Not the end!

I even had lunch and dinner.

But something unusual happened that night. After dinner was served…

No dessert was served! Sigh…I had to go to bed on a hungry stomach. I wished Donkey a good night but he wouldn’t respond.

Who cares! I needed sleep. Next morning….The Lion roared loud into my ear.

No. Not another squeaky toy. That’s what I call my alarm clock. Wondering what happened to Donkey? The batteries died. Donkey Died. Father cried.

Not funny? But it rhymed!

What if tomorrow Lion died? One by one I would be left with no-one to bring me to light.

The good solution: Buy a live donkey and a lion. May be, not a lion!

Better solution: Buy only a donkey.

Best solution: Buy new batteries.

Donkey, Lion…and batteries…..that’s all I need in life!

Home for the forsaken...

Somewhere in the corner of the huge church campus stands a simple two storeyed building with a rusty board that reads "Home for the old aged."
I stepped into the home...an obligation to feed them, so they may bestow their divine blessing.
Old men and women, shrunk and disfigured, muttering among themselves, look at me suspiciously...
I must have looked like an intruder into their sad and sullen lives
It was like they enjoyed loneliness...thrown away from homes...no one to look after them...All alone and lonely...forsaken...yet they seemed to pass...
I noticed among the aging crowd one poor woman...extremely good looking...She was sitting by the window...as if waiting for someone...
I went up to her and sat down...undecided whether to start a conversation...
I finally said "Hello"...no reply...I thought she was deaf...
"What brings you here child?"
She was 78...and if you heard her speak through the radio you would think she was only 30!
"My parents decided to prepare lunch for all of you...you know its easter...and we can all have a good lunch together...my parents cook well..."
I think I spoke too much...
She only said "God bless you all."
She was so pretty...angelic...
I think I saw God...I looked around and noticed that all the other inmates were smiling at me...for the first time...may be for the last time in my life too...I felt as though I was in Heaven...
I promised myself I'd visit this place every year...
We had lunch...and it was time for me to leave...I went to seek her blessings...she looked at me and said "God bless you child" and kissed me...I wanted to cry..."Come back tomorrow Rita"
Rita? "I'm not Rita. Who is Rita?"
"I know you...you are my grand daughter...you came with Freddy to leave me here...forever"
I left...with a heavy heart...full of hatred for Freddy...some affluent businessman settled in India with his Pg 3 wife and spoilt kids...
I went home and prayed for all whom I had met that day and silently cried...them parents of some selfish children reluctant to keep them, a burden on their bejeweled, wealthy shoulders...
A year passed...some killer wave washed away 1000s of lives...Tsunami they called it...
washed away the home for the old aged...
washed away the forsaken...
those sons who left behind their parents...had no way they could rectify their mistakes...the wave washed away their joy...
such a grave mistake...but no forgiveness...
I was Rita to that divine being...she left me...
lonely...forever...

Home for the Forsaken- St.Joseph's Home for the aged, Vailankanni