It was almost 5 years since Dev and I stopped talking. After the cultural event at IIT... I struggled to find him and after 3 months of efforts, I found him. We had no social networking sites then, and I wasn't too much of a Google surfer... but I found him and it was not an entirely pleasant meeting....
****
I was sitting on a wooden bench at St. Vincent De Paul's... I told the security guards, I had come to check out the diploma courses being offered... they believed me and let me in... I was sitting by the chapel and waiting for the Physics class to be dismissed... 'his class gets over at 1:15 and he comes this way' Bharghavi informed me, as told by her friend from the same college...She opted to stay out, to avoid overwhelming him. I liked that. I wanted to meet him alone.
The bell rang and I saw students walking out... My eyes searched for Dev... I spotted him... he was wearing a white shirt and brown khakis... his hair neatly combed, calculating something in his mind.... suddenly everything else became blur... I could only see him.. the gentle wind playing with his soft hair... an occasional dimple.... I lost myself, ONCE AGAIN.... Dev... with whom I fell in love at first sight and every single sight...
'Dev'
"Yeah?" He spoke, and even as he did, my heart skipped a beat.
'Hi!' I spoke softly
"erhmmm...." he mumbled in doubt
Is he pretending? Or did he really forget me?
'Naaz... Remember?'
"Not really" he spoke with confidence
'Oh Ok' I said... and tears started swelling...
'I was waiting to see you Dev and now you say you don't remember me... you know it hurts Dev.. it hurts so bad... forgive me cos I hurt you too... but it was not such a big crime....' I was wailing in silence
I started walking away... I was ashamed of myself... I wanted to kick myself so hard...
"Naaz" that heavenly voice spoke...."Naaz wait...."
I turned back and saw Dev... He was running towards me... a smile on his face... the smile I yearned for...
"So? Madam? Felt like seeing me only now?"
I was started crying loudly now... like an idiot... I was stupid to have thought Dev was serious about having forgotten me... His classmates blinked at him and he assured them that everything was fine... he held me by my arm and pushed me to a corner....
"Stop crying Naaz..." he consoled me
'I'm so sorry Dev... I really am...'
"Sorry for what? I'm sorry for not informing you that I was leaving... I'm so sorry Naaz..."
'No I'm sorry...'
"Ok c'mon... No more sorries! Remember No thanks! No Sorry! between friends.... your philosophy!"
I laughed. And that's when I realized Dev was still holding me. I stopped and looked at him.
'It's hurting me... you are strong....' I spoke trying to ease myself out of his grip.
He roared in laughter. Our hearts were at peace.
"I left behind a note with my number and contact details for you with the security guard. Didn't you get it?"
'WHAT??? NOOOO! I didn't! I will murder him! I really will....'
"We'll ask Bhargavi to do that... cos I don't want you to go to jail..."
'Well, HA HA HA. Good joke Mr. Dev. If that's the case then I might as well murder you too!" Bhargavi spoke.
'Bhargavi!' I squealed in joy.
'You dare sideline me, mister and miss!!!' she demanded.
"Erhmm... I won't. Sorry we won't." Dev assured her.
'I' was slowly becoming 'we' and I felt a sudden sting of pain that I cannot describe... it was a pain that brought with it immense happiness...
****
Dev and I started going out, though not very often and Bhargavi would always tag along. During times when Bhargavi wouldn't make it, we'd go to the beach and play scrabble. We loved playing scrabble together. I always defeated Dev. Though sometimes I felt he let me win.
Dev and I never really fell in love. Though it's not completely true. I fell in love with one the first day. But I don't know what love's definition is. For me it was joy. Peace. And losing myself. We were happy in each other's company. But, one day, even that was gone. After that...my heart was always heavy... like I had lost something really dear...
I had a new friend in my life now, Ajith. Dev's sibling. Weird, but though it feels like I'm so close to getting in touch with Dev again, it still seems far impossible... After our meeting in the train, we exchanged our phone numbers.
I never call him, but Ajith never fails to text me every morning wishing me a great morning. I don't always reply back, but he makes sure I'm reminded of him everyday! Today I was going to meet him at a coffee shop... he wanted to talk...
Since morning I have this numb feeling... the hesitance, the doubts... I had been sitting by my window aimlessly watching birds fly and people walk....thinking what my life was coming to...
What is he going to talk? Is it about Dev? What had Dev told Ajith about me?
The thought was killing me.
