I knew one day she would leave...but I didn't know that time would fly so fast...today she left...and I cried like a child...because she is my friend...she used to accompany me during lunch, during meetings in office, during the numerous breaks we took just to relax...she was always there.
Tomorrow she wont be here.
I'll miss her.
Friday, August 31, 2007
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Line of thought...
When I published the post 'Kingdom of the Mad' I was extremely hurt and upset about how things were taking shape in my life...yesterday I was reading a book...if you did not realize...I am with books all the time because I can travel to distant places by simply being a part of the book...yes, so I was reading a very interesting novel on forgiveness...there was a simple line that caught my attention "Human wisdom is madness in the eyes of God."
So true...we sometimes forget that we can never be greater than God who sees it all, he must be having a good laugh up there, for the kind of clowns all of us are. Man thinks he can make the perfect rocket, the unsinkable ship, the flawless government...of course man has acquired all the knowledge that is necessary to 'create' new things...but the difference lies here...man will never be able to stop a rocket from crashing back onto earth, man will never be able to save a ship from sinking, man can never save a city from being destroyed by a natural calamity...man will remain a man forever...
On similar lines, there is nothing wrong in saying the world is mad...and after reading this line...I'm happier than before because I live in a mad world and I cannot expect things to go right!
Monday, August 27, 2007
Pseu-dude
This world is full of pseudos...I have seen so many,
Some who leave their simple modest friends because they want to be a part of the 'rocking' gang in college...
Some who study and work hard only because they want to prove a point!
Some who mock at people who study...
Some who 'have to' buy expensive goods or eat out at expensive restaurants because otherwise the society might classify them into the 'not-so-happening' lot...
Some who do not know how to drive but demand their daddies to get them cars for their b'days because they want to look cool...
Some who forget their mother-tongues...all of a sudden, they have an accent and their mothers become 'mom' from 'amma'
Some who think getting married to guys working abroad elevates their status! (This is the funniest bit!!!)
Some who go do random courses because everyone else is doing it...or at least the 'hep' crowd is doing it!
Some who 'have to' go abroad for a vacation because apparently vacationing in India isn't very appealing...
But crib on not finding an Indian restaurant there!
Some who even changed their names!
Talking about 'names'...
A friend of mine once commented that my name was extremely weird and I should probably hang my head in shame to have such a funny name
(My friend...actually another pseudo!)
Weird name? No name can be weird or funny...
She did not realize that my name is a simple conversation between him, divine, and a humble girl.
The conversation is in Hebrew and he tells her 'my delight is in you'
And that is precisely my name!
'Hepzibah' or 'My delight is in you.'
To think my parents named me so... fills my heart with complete peace.
Coming back to what pseudos do...
Lets call them 'dudes'
So the dude is a happening person
The dude knows everything about whats happening at a local pub or when the next band is gonna perform in palace grounds.
The dude can smoke and look 'cool'
Irony!
The dude can 'hang around' with anybody
The dude has all the rights to mock at a 'not-a-dude'
The dude has the best sense of humor
The dude does not enjoy the beach
She/He would enjoy it only when there's a 'beach party' on
The dude does not like the rain...because she/he would have to stay indoors
The dude is a know-all!
But
The dude doesn't know who she/he is!
Funny...the world has identified him/her...But sadly enough the dude cannot identify him/her self!
Living with absolutely no identity...
she/he is just riding the wave
and running a race towards the unknown...
Some who leave their simple modest friends because they want to be a part of the 'rocking' gang in college...
Some who study and work hard only because they want to prove a point!
Some who mock at people who study...
Some who 'have to' buy expensive goods or eat out at expensive restaurants because otherwise the society might classify them into the 'not-so-happening' lot...
Some who do not know how to drive but demand their daddies to get them cars for their b'days because they want to look cool...
Some who forget their mother-tongues...all of a sudden, they have an accent and their mothers become 'mom' from 'amma'
Some who think getting married to guys working abroad elevates their status! (This is the funniest bit!!!)
Some who go do random courses because everyone else is doing it...or at least the 'hep' crowd is doing it!
Some who 'have to' go abroad for a vacation because apparently vacationing in India isn't very appealing...
But crib on not finding an Indian restaurant there!
Some who even changed their names!
Talking about 'names'...
A friend of mine once commented that my name was extremely weird and I should probably hang my head in shame to have such a funny name
(My friend...actually another pseudo!)
Weird name? No name can be weird or funny...
She did not realize that my name is a simple conversation between him, divine, and a humble girl.
The conversation is in Hebrew and he tells her 'my delight is in you'
And that is precisely my name!
'Hepzibah' or 'My delight is in you.'
To think my parents named me so... fills my heart with complete peace.
Coming back to what pseudos do...
Lets call them 'dudes'
So the dude is a happening person
The dude knows everything about whats happening at a local pub or when the next band is gonna perform in palace grounds.
The dude can smoke and look 'cool'
Irony!
The dude can 'hang around' with anybody
The dude has all the rights to mock at a 'not-a-dude'
The dude has the best sense of humor
The dude does not enjoy the beach
She/He would enjoy it only when there's a 'beach party' on
The dude does not like the rain...because she/he would have to stay indoors
The dude is a know-all!
But
The dude doesn't know who she/he is!
Funny...the world has identified him/her...But sadly enough the dude cannot identify him/her self!
Living with absolutely no identity...
she/he is just riding the wave
and running a race towards the unknown...
Self Analysis...
An honest analysis...
I am...
a) An Introvert:
Introverts are directed towards the subjective world.
I am interested in my own thoughts and feelings
I need to have my own territory
I often appear reserved, quiet and thoughtful
I do not have many friends
I have difficulties in making new contacts
I like concentration and quiet
I do not like unexpected visits and i therefore do not make them
I work well alone
b) Intuitive type
Intuition is an ability to deal with the information on the basis of its hidden potential and its possible existence.
I am mostly in the past or in the future
I worry about the future more than the present
I am interested in everything new and unusual
I do not like routine
I am attracted more to the theory than the practice
I often have doubts
c) Feeling type
Feeling is an ability to deal with information on the basis of its initial energetic condition and its interactions.
I am interested in people and their feelings
I easily pass my own moods to others
I pay great attention to love and passion
I evaluate things by ethics and good or bad
I can be touchy or use emotional manipulation
d) Perceiving type
Perceiving types are motivated into activity by the changes in a situation.
I act impulsively following the situation
I can start many things at once without finishing them properly
I prefer to have freedom from obligations
I am curious and like a fresh look at things
My work productivity depends on my mood
I am of the Intuitive-Ethical Intratim type and this what Psychologists have to say about me...
+ You are a very romantic person and have an excellent imagination. You appreciate beauty in both art and life. Your creative nature cannot stand greyness and regularity. You always bring an element of elegance and originality to any situation. You understand others moods and dispositions well and will often use your good sense of humour to uplift friends and family. You posses a rich variety of emotions and you can apply it to many situations. You depend greatly on your emotions to guide you. Sometimes you show great feeling for people and may often idealise others. Wherever you go you often create an atmosphere of elation and optimism.
- You have a tendency to be led by lofty aspirations to an easy life. You often complain about your emotional and physical state. Eventually you can cause people to tire of you and even doubt your honesty concerning your well being. Sometimes you waste lots of time on small talk and fruitless dreaming instead of realistic activity. You have difficulty forcing yourself to do uninteresting, everyday chores, especially if finances and household economy are involved. You often cannot resist buying something that catches your eye sometimes causing you to exceed your budget.
I am...
a) An Introvert:
Introverts are directed towards the subjective world.
I am interested in my own thoughts and feelings
I need to have my own territory
I often appear reserved, quiet and thoughtful
I do not have many friends
I have difficulties in making new contacts
I like concentration and quiet
I do not like unexpected visits and i therefore do not make them
I work well alone
b) Intuitive type
Intuition is an ability to deal with the information on the basis of its hidden potential and its possible existence.
I am mostly in the past or in the future
I worry about the future more than the present
I am interested in everything new and unusual
I do not like routine
I am attracted more to the theory than the practice
I often have doubts
c) Feeling type
Feeling is an ability to deal with information on the basis of its initial energetic condition and its interactions.
I am interested in people and their feelings
I easily pass my own moods to others
I pay great attention to love and passion
I evaluate things by ethics and good or bad
I can be touchy or use emotional manipulation
d) Perceiving type
Perceiving types are motivated into activity by the changes in a situation.
I act impulsively following the situation
I can start many things at once without finishing them properly
I prefer to have freedom from obligations
I am curious and like a fresh look at things
My work productivity depends on my mood
I am of the Intuitive-Ethical Intratim type and this what Psychologists have to say about me...
+ You are a very romantic person and have an excellent imagination. You appreciate beauty in both art and life. Your creative nature cannot stand greyness and regularity. You always bring an element of elegance and originality to any situation. You understand others moods and dispositions well and will often use your good sense of humour to uplift friends and family. You posses a rich variety of emotions and you can apply it to many situations. You depend greatly on your emotions to guide you. Sometimes you show great feeling for people and may often idealise others. Wherever you go you often create an atmosphere of elation and optimism.
- You have a tendency to be led by lofty aspirations to an easy life. You often complain about your emotional and physical state. Eventually you can cause people to tire of you and even doubt your honesty concerning your well being. Sometimes you waste lots of time on small talk and fruitless dreaming instead of realistic activity. You have difficulty forcing yourself to do uninteresting, everyday chores, especially if finances and household economy are involved. You often cannot resist buying something that catches your eye sometimes causing you to exceed your budget.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Curse
"Hell with you...you will never ever lead a happy life...die a rotten death..."
What do we do when we get angry? What do we do when someone inflicts pain? What do we do when we are hurt by someone's loss caused by that drunk driver? What do we do...???
Have you ever felt like cursing someone?? Someone who took away your happiness, someone who made you cry, someone who took you for granted, someone who abused you or told you that you are a piece of junk who is good-for-nothing and cannot do anything right...Have you cursed this someone???
If the answer is 'Yes'...then my friend...read on...
even if the answer is 'no' you may still want to read further...
A person (lets call him Layman1) meets his friend(Layman2) over dinner and while they talk about distant fancy things they are quick to pick up a quarrel and Layman1 swears on Layman2 and calls him a rogue, an idiot and a total ass. Layman2 smirked and said ..." Thank you for your appeal but I have the right to discard this. And hence I do not accept this appeal that you have just made."
Of course, just like you and me Layman1 did not understand what he just said.
So...Layman2 continues ..."I offered some gifts to God, but it so happened that God was displeased with my gifts as they were not desirable and he decided to return it. Where do you think God will bring back the gifts to?"
Layman1 "To you of course, because you made the rotten offering."
Layman2 "Exactly. Just like how you cursed me but it was rotten and I did not like it, I gave it back to you. My friend you have just called yourself 'a rogue, an idiot and a total ass."
Layman1 was embarrassed.
The point is clear. Do not curse anybody no matter what amount of pain you are going through. I was taught at a very early stage that if I cursed someone I was bringing God's wrath unto myself.
Though you may argue that curses do come true...think about it...if you curse someone swearing they should lose their job/money and lets say the same comes true...imagine the pain the person you cursed must be going through...and you are automatically subjected to misery because you brought disaster unto your brother and who are we to punish people? anybody who does not take care of his brother has to suffer...because we are all responsible for each other.
This is very complicated...I can sense it too...but the only thing I want to believe in is I should never bring pain unto others and I must never curse!
Sadly enough, I have cursed some people and regret for having done so...All I can do is pray for them and their well being.
And so you decide!
What do we do when we get angry? What do we do when someone inflicts pain? What do we do when we are hurt by someone's loss caused by that drunk driver? What do we do...???
Have you ever felt like cursing someone?? Someone who took away your happiness, someone who made you cry, someone who took you for granted, someone who abused you or told you that you are a piece of junk who is good-for-nothing and cannot do anything right...Have you cursed this someone???
If the answer is 'Yes'...then my friend...read on...
even if the answer is 'no' you may still want to read further...
A person (lets call him Layman1) meets his friend(Layman2) over dinner and while they talk about distant fancy things they are quick to pick up a quarrel and Layman1 swears on Layman2 and calls him a rogue, an idiot and a total ass. Layman2 smirked and said ..." Thank you for your appeal but I have the right to discard this. And hence I do not accept this appeal that you have just made."
Of course, just like you and me Layman1 did not understand what he just said.
So...Layman2 continues ..."I offered some gifts to God, but it so happened that God was displeased with my gifts as they were not desirable and he decided to return it. Where do you think God will bring back the gifts to?"
Layman1 "To you of course, because you made the rotten offering."
Layman2 "Exactly. Just like how you cursed me but it was rotten and I did not like it, I gave it back to you. My friend you have just called yourself 'a rogue, an idiot and a total ass."
Layman1 was embarrassed.
The point is clear. Do not curse anybody no matter what amount of pain you are going through. I was taught at a very early stage that if I cursed someone I was bringing God's wrath unto myself.
Though you may argue that curses do come true...think about it...if you curse someone swearing they should lose their job/money and lets say the same comes true...imagine the pain the person you cursed must be going through...and you are automatically subjected to misery because you brought disaster unto your brother and who are we to punish people? anybody who does not take care of his brother has to suffer...because we are all responsible for each other.
This is very complicated...I can sense it too...but the only thing I want to believe in is I should never bring pain unto others and I must never curse!
Sadly enough, I have cursed some people and regret for having done so...All I can do is pray for them and their well being.
And so you decide!
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Kingdom of the Mad...
Here's a story I read and I strongly believe it applies closely to the world in general....
'A powerful Wizard who wanted to destroy an entire kingdom, placed a magic potion in the well from which all the inhabitants drank. Whoever drank that water would go mad.
The following morning, the whole population drank from the well and they all went mad, apart from the king and his family, who had a well set aside for them alone, and which the magician had not managed to poison. The king was worried and tried to control the population by issuing a series of edicts governing security and public health. The policemen and the inspectors, however, had also drunk the poisoned water and they thought the king's decision were absurd and resolved to take no notice of them.
When the inhabitants of the kingdom heard these decrees, they became convinced that the king had gone mad and was now giving nonsensical orders. They marched on the castle and called for his abdiction.
In despair, the king prepared to step down from the throne, but the queen stopped him, saying: "Let us go and drink from the communal well. Then, we will be the same as them."
And that was what they did: the king and the queen drank the water of madness and immediately began talking nonsense. Their subjects repented at once; now that the king was displaying such wisdom, why not allow him to continue ruling the country?
The country continued to live in peace, although its inhabitants behaved very differently from those of its neighbours. And the king was able to govern until the end of his days.'
Courtesy: Paulo Coelho
Such is the world. The deserving people do not get their reward here because the world is mad. I believe there is a greater reward for each one of us, who know that what little we do, we do it from our hearts.
Sane people are really considered 'MAD' in this world!
And the only way you can survive here is...to become mad...
Absolutely MAD!
'A powerful Wizard who wanted to destroy an entire kingdom, placed a magic potion in the well from which all the inhabitants drank. Whoever drank that water would go mad.
The following morning, the whole population drank from the well and they all went mad, apart from the king and his family, who had a well set aside for them alone, and which the magician had not managed to poison. The king was worried and tried to control the population by issuing a series of edicts governing security and public health. The policemen and the inspectors, however, had also drunk the poisoned water and they thought the king's decision were absurd and resolved to take no notice of them.
When the inhabitants of the kingdom heard these decrees, they became convinced that the king had gone mad and was now giving nonsensical orders. They marched on the castle and called for his abdiction.
In despair, the king prepared to step down from the throne, but the queen stopped him, saying: "Let us go and drink from the communal well. Then, we will be the same as them."
And that was what they did: the king and the queen drank the water of madness and immediately began talking nonsense. Their subjects repented at once; now that the king was displaying such wisdom, why not allow him to continue ruling the country?
The country continued to live in peace, although its inhabitants behaved very differently from those of its neighbours. And the king was able to govern until the end of his days.'
Courtesy: Paulo Coelho
Such is the world. The deserving people do not get their reward here because the world is mad. I believe there is a greater reward for each one of us, who know that what little we do, we do it from our hearts.
Sane people are really considered 'MAD' in this world!
And the only way you can survive here is...to become mad...
Absolutely MAD!
Friday, June 29, 2007
The donkey brayed loud into my ear…
...and even kissed me good morning!
That’s all Folks!
No…Not the end!
The good solution: Buy a live donkey and a lion. May be, not a lion!
Donkey, Lion…and batteries…..that’s all I need in life!
Monday, April 16, 2007
Curled his lip in a supercilious smile...
When boredom at office led me to paint...
Then was born this 'masterpiece'...so I would like to call it...
Friday, April 6, 2007
Gone...
I see a tear rolling down from your eyes
It touched your cheeks...made them wet
I didn't like it...So, I turned away
But I noticed something...
your eyes...
there was a twinkle in your eyes...
I saw love...
There was so much love in you that it overflowed
those tears were not mere drops of water
they were trickles of love
I wondered how you possessed so much love
And then, I saw another drop of tear from your eyes
I stretched out my hand to catch it
I couldn't...I tried hard to reach...I failed...
just then I realized why you had been crying...
I fell on my knees because it broke my heart
And I cried too...
If only I was beside you...
Ramblings...of my heart
I know not what to write,
nor what to say...
Life seems to have lost its bright
Lost are times, merry and gay
Gone are days when a simple smile
fetched people queued in a mile
to please and render affection
Childhood, source of every consolation
There were days when my heart felt that the antonym for happiness was happiness
I yearn for the time that flew away
Which has now left me in loneliness...
There came a time when choices were to be made
And in haste, I did, make some choices...
My best plans were not laid, again
A committed blunder, from the path of happiness
I skid
nor what to say...
Life seems to have lost its bright
Lost are times, merry and gay
Gone are days when a simple smile
fetched people queued in a mile
to please and render affection
Childhood, source of every consolation
There were days when my heart felt that the antonym for happiness was happiness
I yearn for the time that flew away
Which has now left me in loneliness...
There came a time when choices were to be made
And in haste, I did, make some choices...
My best plans were not laid, again
A committed blunder, from the path of happiness
I skid
Desperate...
Someone please help poor her...from the pangs of love
Pangs of love??
She stays up all night desperate to hear that arduous voice uttering nothing but "Go Away I do not wish to talk"
Abused...misused...rebuked...hurt...Love struck
Weak in mind she is? No...yea
seeking support from a source who knows not how to stand firm
Foolish...nah...In love
You are a shame...he yells
disgusting...and I hate you...
Someone help poor her...she is deaf to these words
Soaked in desperate need of male domination, lack of it
she cannot withstand
she might as well die...
pangs of love...bitter...blind...
someone help poor her...
Pangs of love??
She stays up all night desperate to hear that arduous voice uttering nothing but "Go Away I do not wish to talk"
Abused...misused...rebuked...hurt...Love struck
Weak in mind she is? No...yea
seeking support from a source who knows not how to stand firm
Foolish...nah...In love
You are a shame...he yells
disgusting...and I hate you...
Someone help poor her...she is deaf to these words
Soaked in desperate need of male domination, lack of it
she cannot withstand
she might as well die...
pangs of love...bitter...blind...
someone help poor her...
Thursday, April 5, 2007
Home for the forsaken...
Somewhere in the corner of the huge church campus stands a simple two storeyed building with a rusty board that reads "Home for the old aged."
I stepped into the home...an obligation to feed them, so they may bestow their divine blessing.
Old men and women, shrunk and disfigured, muttering among themselves, look at me suspiciously...
I must have looked like an intruder into their sad and sullen lives
It was like they enjoyed loneliness...thrown away from homes...no one to look after them...All alone and lonely...forsaken...yet they seemed to pass...
I noticed among the aging crowd one poor woman...extremely good looking...She was sitting by the window...as if waiting for someone...
I went up to her and sat down...undecided whether to start a conversation...
I finally said "Hello"...no reply...I thought she was deaf...
"What brings you here child?"
She was 78...and if you heard her speak through the radio you would think she was only 30!
"My parents decided to prepare lunch for all of you...you know its easter...and we can all have a good lunch together...my parents cook well..."
I think I spoke too much...
She only said "God bless you all."
She was so pretty...angelic...
I think I saw God...I looked around and noticed that all the other inmates were smiling at me...for the first time...may be for the last time in my life too...I felt as though I was in Heaven...
I promised myself I'd visit this place every year...
We had lunch...and it was time for me to leave...I went to seek her blessings...she looked at me and said "God bless you child" and kissed me...I wanted to cry..."Come back tomorrow Rita"
Rita? "I'm not Rita. Who is Rita?"
"I know you...you are my grand daughter...you came with Freddy to leave me here...forever"
I left...with a heavy heart...full of hatred for Freddy...some affluent businessman settled in India with his Pg 3 wife and spoilt kids...
I went home and prayed for all whom I had met that day and silently cried...them parents of some selfish children reluctant to keep them, a burden on their bejeweled, wealthy shoulders...
A year passed...some killer wave washed away 1000s of lives...Tsunami they called it...
washed away the home for the old aged...
washed away the forsaken...
those sons who left behind their parents...had no way they could rectify their mistakes...the wave washed away their joy...
such a grave mistake...but no forgiveness...
I was Rita to that divine being...she left me...
lonely...forever...
Home for the Forsaken- St.Joseph's Home for the aged, Vailankanni
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Love..where is it?
Love came down from heaven...
Expecting people to live in harmony in a peaceful and calm environment...
Love knew all was well...after all, he dwelled in every being's heart...
The heart that is so tender and beautiful...
Your heart is full of Love my friend...
Love thought so...
But to his dismay...
Man had already been enslaved by darkness...
Nobody wanted to be known as a loving being...
Love was but a stain now...that was instantaneously washed away by evil..
He could not even spare his own mother...
He drank his father's blood...the gruesome being....
"How?
Why..my dear friend?
I remember filling your heart and soul with light and love...
Love that was God sent...
I remember you promised me never to hate...For hate begets hate...Blood and Gloom
You told me you would take care of your brethren...he is your responsibility...
Why did you throw me away?
There is no fragrance here...I can only smell cruelty...
I am shattered...
I have lost..."
Alas..Love went back...
I asked myself why...
I only cried...
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