Book of memories...

I sat down in my veranda. It had been raining, continuously for the past 3 days. No regrets on that, since I'd got a day off. I took the newspaper, shook it for a second, slowly all the hidden leaflets and advertising pamphlets fell on the floor and I kicked them away. Most of them were unattractive works of some boring ad agency. I found the Subway menu leaflet, picked it up quickly and secured it under my stack of books. I thrived on subs on weekends.

As I sipped my tea, I skimmed through the newspaper. After 10 mins I kept it away and picked up a novel from the stack.

Thump.

Next I know, a hard bound book fell on my head. Ouch!

I picked it up and I connected with it immediately. It was my secret diary. I dusted the top. The logo, still intact, read: Diary 1995.



"Naaz take this packet of chocolates and distribute it to your new friends at school."
I don't want to.
"Ah. Your call."

I picked it up anyway, but without her knowledge.

My dad dropped me at St. Ignatius School. I saw the huge school campus through the iron gates. There were too many academic blocks and play areas and girls decked in green and yellow walking all about the place.

'I don't want to go in,' I wished aloud.

"There Naaz! Your new school. Aren't you happy?" my dad asked.
No.
"Naaz? Don't be scared. You deserve to be here. Remember you topped the entrance test. You will do well. Now go in" he assured me.
I looked at him. A tiny drop of tear rolled down my cheeks. But I quickly wiped it away.
"I'll come with you." he said

My father always knew what I was thinking.

We reached the principal's office. Sr. Agnes greeted us and my dad spoke at length about me. She walked up to me and told me, 'Naaz is going to be a bright student and make us all proud.'
My dad smiled and gestured me to acknowledge her good comments.
I smiled at Sr. Agnes. I liked her. She had a very calm face and I was not scared of this school anymore. I held her hand.
My dad waved us good bye and left to work.
Sr. Agnes walked me to my classroom.
As I stood outside 8-C, I was trembling and all shaky. I couldn't look up at my class. Sr. Agnes introduced me to my teacher and my classmates. One glance, and they were all snickering. I was dressed in a red and black frock and I was extremely intimidated by all the others dressed in the school uniform. I wanted to run away. Sr. Agnes smiled at me and left me to the mercy of my class.

I was sweating profusely.

"Go sit there" spoke Ms. Catherine, pointing at the second row from back.
The girl seated on the bench made weird faces but managed to smile at me. Fake.
I had to squeeze my way through to get to sit on that bench. Sandwiched between Rekha and Lavanya, I was feeling sick already.

"When is your birthday Naaz" asked Ms. Catherine.
'November 21, 1995' I spoke timidly
The class was roaring in laughter.
'She's just few hours old man' laughed Rekha.
I didn't' understand first. Later I realized. I was obviously nervous. That's why I blurted out the wrong year. I was embarrassed due to the reaction my class gave. But I was hurt when Ms. Catherine did not stop them and instead joined them in laughing.

Lavanya squeezed my hand and gestured me to sit down. I sat down, crying.
"Don't cry Naaz." she spoke
I looked at her and she was smiling, generously.
"Please don't cry Naaz. Take this."
She offered me a candy. I refused the offer. I stopped crying because Lavanya asked me to.

After 2.5 hours of history, and prose and geography, it was time for lunch. The whole class walked out in gangs. Only Lavanya stayed putt. I stayed back, because I was not comfortable yet. Besides, no one seemed to care to welcome a new friend.

Lavanya offered me her lunch. I noticed she had two slices of bread with strawberry jelly smeared on it.
'Is this enough Lavanya?' I asked
"Should be." She replied.
'I have lunch. Let me take it out.' I told her
"No no don't. You're not supposed to eat here." she said
Then why is she eating here? I wondered
"Only I can eat here."
'Oh.' I spoke quickly.

How rude. I thought she was being nice to me, but she is a bully. She eats here but does not allow me to do the same. No one sits with her because she is such a bully. I am such a fool to have thought she is nice.

I got up and walked up to the black board. I started drawing random figures on it. I'm not having lunch because of Lavanya. She promptly finished her lunch. I'll eat on my way back home. She had the nerve to tell me not to open my lunch box here, while she sat and ate like a queen.

I heard Lavanya moving benches to get up from her seat. God she is making too much noise, I thought. Why can't she get up without making so much noise. I turned back and noticed Lavanya struggling. Let her be. She finally made her way out. She walked towards the door. I found her walk weird. She limped slightly. Must have hurt herself, I thought.

She smiled at me as she passed by me. I smiled back coldly. I quickly looked at her feet to see why she was limping.

She limped away to the washroom. I followed her. Tears in my eyes. I understood everything.

I stood beside her while she washed her hands.

'I'm sorry Lavanya.'
"For?" she asked.
I ran away .

Lavanya will never be able to wear the same canvas shoes that helped me run from the washroom to my class.

I hope to never wear the wooden shoes that made Lavanya limp.

Oh God, I don't know who is normal. Whether I'm good. Forgive me if you want to. And thank you for these feet.


I wrote this prayer that night. Silly me, I told myself, as I closed the book.