Plain pain

There is no one in this world who hasn't undergone pain. Pain in its myriad forms - family, education, beliefs, choices... Some of us simply soak ourselves in pain as it comes, living in futile hope, that pain itself will redeem.

Sometimes, pain leads to sweet redemption. Life would be bland without pain.

I've discovered that pain has a lot more on offer than itself. It unfolds life. And the truth. Often, bitter experiences in life is what 'mould' us, into who we are. Our perspective becomes less foggy. I think its pain that motivates us to fight back, and turn us into brave people.

It's a beautiful thing. You've not lived life if you've not experienced pain. Pain is what makes the effort worth it. We've all heard the saying - there's no gain without pain. It's actually true. It is pain that brings us the fruit at the end of all that toil and effort. If there's no pain in what we do, how do we come to senses and the realization that we're actually doing it?

We're humans. And emotions define us. If in pain you smile, you're a winner. If in pain you complain, you've already lost the battle.

Take pain as it comes. And move on.

There's a wall poster in my room that reads - The people who get places are the ones who keep moving.

So true.

I fail.

sometimes I fail to understand the system... on one hand she says, this was designed for all to learn. I want everybody to do this and learn. Out of mistake you learn. And on the other hand she summons 'her' and tells her, "I don't trust others to do a good job, so you do this piece of work. I don't want anybody making a mistake in this regard."

Seriously. I fail to understand.

Priceless Paani Puri

***The Cane and Cee series - PART 3***

I was getting back home from work in my personal auto rickshaw.

"Madam, we can't take the usual route. Nungambakkam is blocked. I'll take you via Pantheon."

'Uh uh ok ok'

As we crossed Greams Road, my eyes caught the attention of the various food joints and then there was this sudden hunger pang in me. I told myself, a BIG no, but it just wouldn't go. I had to eat something. I scanned my eyes quickly and found a chaat stop.

'Stop Selva anna. Take U turn please.'

"Ayyoo why madam?"

'please Selva anna*... I want to eat Paani* Puri.'

"Paani Puri means what madam?"

'i'll buy one for you, you please take the U turn'

"Ok madam" he spoke quickly as he zoomed past other vehicles and stood in line for the U turn.

Selva anna was my auto rickshaw driver since my college days. He knew everything about my college life and now he was a significant part of my work life too. My day begins with a missed call from selva, which means he is asking me if he should bring the auto at the usual regular time. If I return his missed call once, I mean to say yes. But if I give him 2 missed calls, it means I am taking an off.

Selva anna took the U turn and I quickly jumped off the auto.

'Get down anna, let's eat Paani Puri'

"No madam, this is a no parking area, you buy one parcel for me ok? I will park the auto little further down the road, you give missed call, I will come"

'Ok anna'

There were about 15 hungry men and women and about 5 kids around the simple Chaat seller's cart. The puri was stacked in a large steel container and the paani, one sweet paani and one spicy paani were stocked in large clay pots. A container with mashed potato, channa, papad, masala caught my eye and instantly my mouth watered.

'anna oru* plate Paani Puri'

Quickly he took one crispy puri, made a hole in it, stuffed it with potato, channa, masal, dipped it in the spicy and sweet paani and gave it to me in a small cup. With gleeful eyes, I took the puri and opened my mouth, when halfway through its journey to my mouth, it broke into two pieces and the paani fell down into my cup leaving me with one piece of the puri and messy hands.

And this was not all. Suddenly, this guy from nowhere comes forward to help me eat the puri. I looked at him and moved away.

Dude who is he to teach me how to eat a paani puri? I thought

"Miss, the minute you get the puri, you don't wait, you just stuff it into your mouth. The longer it stays in your plate, the soggier it becomes.. blah blah blah blah... bloo bloo bloo... more blah blah blah...more bloo bloo bloo..."

He just went on and on and on

"Ok, now let's do it again. anna one here please" he spoke to the chaat guy

The chaat guy performed his magic once again and produced a beauty of a puri

"C'mon Miss, you can do it"

'Oh k chuck this crack pot, let me try eating the puri and save my esteem by doing it the right way' I spoke to myself

The minute I got the Puri, I didn't think once about anybody or anything... I opened my mouth, to resemble a hippopotamus yawning and pushed the puri in through.

The flavors created music in my mouth. Loud bangs, soft soothing, then a sudden splurge of an orchestra.

I waited for the judgement.

"Yes you did it. anna, bring it on"

The chaat guy kept providing me with the wonderful puris and I kept stuffing it into my mouth. I would have eaten about 10! and I decided to stop.

'ENOUGH anna' I announced victoriously

"I'm Krishna" my paani puri guru spoke

'I'm Cee'

"Cee?"

'Yeah Cee, any problem?'

"No no, not at all. Do you come here often?" he asked

'hmm... no.. not often'

"Oh, well I come here once a week"

'Ok'

**long pause**

'Well, I gotta go' I claimed, as I took my phone to give Selva anna a missed call.

"Well..."

'Huh?'

"Never mind"

'Oh... Oh... Thank you Krishna!'

"Ha ha... You are welcome Cee" He smiled widely

'Ok then. Bye bye.'

Selva anna had arrived. I got in and we quickly made our way home.

In the auto, I thought to myself, that I actually liked that guy Krishna.

'Selva anna, tomorrow also same time. Bye'

"bye bye madam. And you forgot my parcel."

'I'm so sorry anna. Tomorrow I will surely get you one ok?'

"Ok madam. Bye"

So tomorrow I will go to the chaat stop. Let me see if I meet Krishna again.

*anna = brother, in tamil

*oru = one, in tamil

*paani = water, in hindi

Cane opens the file

***The Cane and Cee series - PART 2***

**I waited impatiently for my doom as Cane opened the file**

Cane opened the file and just as he did, his phone rang.

Whew! I sighed in joy.

But my joy didn't last long. Cane started browsing through the documents as he was talking on the phone. But he did it in the most annoying manner. He closed the file, opened the file. closed it, opened it.

Every time he opened the file my heart shifted to my mouth, and every time he closed it, it went back in to wherever it was. He kept it doing it so much, that I sincerely prayed his phone conversation would end. I'd rather actually die than anticipating whether I will really die or not.

After a tense 10 mins his conversation came to an end.

He looked at me and smiled and said, "Sorry Cee, let's get back to work"

'Yes please get your gun ready' I smiled nervously

He skimmed through the documents one by one. Each time looking at me and looking back into the file. He closed the file and stared at me.

I stared back at him. He didn't blink once. I was shivering in fear. I looked down on the floor and studied the mosaic pattern. I slowly looked up and the same fixed frozen stare. His stare was enough to kill me.

'I'm sorry Sir.' I spoke in utmost fear

"You better be."

Hmmm... am I supposed to say anything more? apologize more?

"I don't have such a distorted smile Cee. Here, look at this." He showed the cartoon I drew of him.

ermm..

My jaw dropped.

"Go draw better cartoons. Go"

Cane and Cee

***The Cane and Cee series - PART 1***

"Cee get that work done NOW! I want it on my table in 10 mins"

'Yes. Oh Yes Sir' making imaginary sounds in the head

I sit here and do all the work, and the least I can expect is a smile? Leave the friendly hand shake he gives to everybody else. And the shiny certificates the rest of them get for having 'slogged.'

humph.

I left the file on the table and quietly tip-toed out of Cane's room.

We called him Cane becos sometimes he would lash out his tongue so hard it hurt real bad.

Cane promptly stopped me, and dragged me into his room.

"Now, Cee let us sit and analyse."

ANALYSE?!!!!!!

I tore my hair in mourning. An analysis of my work would mean outright dissection of every tiny bit of information I keyed into those documents.

"Sit down Cee"

As I sat down in absolute disagreement, I saw the file on Can'e table.

'WHAT???? I am sure to be hanged' I thought to myself. I almost screamed out loud.

That file had all the cartoons I had made of Cane. Cane doing his grumpy antics, he blasting us, he making monkeys faces and all things nasty about him.

That file was a fire cracker waiting to burst!

'Cane will KILL me. I didn't even get to say a decent goodbye to the other brats'

I waited impatiently for my doom as Cane opened the file.

my dear potato friend

you've been with me all through my graduation days...

when J was scribbling letters and numerals to form ammonia and acids

whose names I barely remember now

you were there...

when T called the test tube a testis.. you were there

oh potato friend... you even made RS realize I was not fit to do chemistry

but fine arts

or physics

or anything else..

you always stood up for me dear potato friend...

you are my mirror image

slightly skewed

but still.

This is a tribute to you.

This is how I look now

(and dear friends... No, I'm not drunk!)

Hey control freak...

not you.

Someone called me and few others one. and in my tiny head, this is how I reacted " HA HA HA HA HA"

No! I don't laugh because I'm arrogant. I laugh because it's true! at least, to some extent.

Ha ha ha.

(I must stop. Really!)

a rainbow

Ive seen a rainbow exactly 5 times in my life... you will agree that it's a very beautiful sight indeed... the day a rainbow appears, I know I love the weather outside. However, I don't know if I'm color blind, or otherwise, I've seen only three colors on it... red, blue and yellow... and most times the yellow, I think, was the tint of the sunlight... but I've loved rainbows...

currently my life is in a rainbow phase, my rainbow,... pleasant weather and mood but occasional bursts of these colors that seem to play and draw impressions... sometimes red when things don't go right and my patience is tested... sometimes blue when I'm sad and depressed and yellow when I laugh... and sometimes all three...

but whatever, my life is pretty beautiful now... (I'm usually not this positive) of course there are ups and downs, but total score= excellent!

2 months into 2010

and I don have THE time :(

Ajith wants to meet Naaz...

I was sitting by my window wondering what my life was coming to. I had a job, I had a super awesome friend, I had a loving family but something was missing from my life.

It was almost 5 years since Dev and I stopped talking. After the cultural event at IIT... I struggled to find him and after 3 months of efforts, I found him. We had no social networking sites then, and I wasn't too much of a Google surfer... but I found him and it was not an entirely pleasant meeting....

****

I was sitting on a wooden bench at St. Vincent De Paul's... I told the security guards, I had come to check out the diploma courses being offered... they believed me and let me in... I was sitting by the chapel and waiting for the Physics class to be dismissed... 'his class gets over at 1:15 and he comes this way' Bharghavi informed me, as told by her friend from the same college...She opted to stay out, to avoid overwhelming him. I liked that. I wanted to meet him alone.

The bell rang and I saw students walking out... My eyes searched for Dev... I spotted him... he was wearing a white shirt and brown khakis... his hair neatly combed, calculating something in his mind.... suddenly everything else became blur... I could only see him.. the gentle wind playing with his soft hair... an occasional dimple.... I lost myself, ONCE AGAIN.... Dev... with whom I fell in love at first sight and every single sight...

'Dev'

"Yeah?" He spoke, and even as he did, my heart skipped a beat.

'Hi!' I spoke softly

"erhmmm...." he mumbled in doubt

Is he pretending? Or did he really forget me?

'Naaz... Remember?'

"Not really" he spoke with confidence

'Oh Ok' I said... and tears started swelling...

'I was waiting to see you Dev and now you say you don't remember me... you know it hurts Dev.. it hurts so bad... forgive me cos I hurt you too... but it was not such a big crime....' I was wailing in silence

I started walking away... I was ashamed of myself... I wanted to kick myself so hard...

"Naaz" that heavenly voice spoke...."Naaz wait...."

I turned back and saw Dev... He was running towards me... a smile on his face... the smile I yearned for...

"So? Madam? Felt like seeing me only now?"

I was started crying loudly now... like an idiot... I was stupid to have thought Dev was serious about having forgotten me... His classmates blinked at him and he assured them that everything was fine... he held me by my arm and pushed me to a corner....

"Stop crying Naaz..." he consoled me

'I'm so sorry Dev... I really am...'

"Sorry for what? I'm sorry for not informing you that I was leaving... I'm so sorry Naaz..."

'No I'm sorry...'

"Ok c'mon... No more sorries! Remember No thanks! No Sorry! between friends.... your philosophy!"

I laughed. And that's when I realized Dev was still holding me. I stopped and looked at him.

'It's hurting me... you are strong....' I spoke trying to ease myself out of his grip.

He roared in laughter. Our hearts were at peace.

"I left behind a note with my number and contact details for you with the security guard. Didn't you get it?"

'WHAT??? NOOOO! I didn't! I will murder him! I really will....'

"We'll ask Bhargavi to do that... cos I don't want you to go to jail..."

'Well, HA HA HA. Good joke Mr. Dev. If that's the case then I might as well murder you too!" Bhargavi spoke.

'Bhargavi!' I squealed in joy.

'You dare sideline me, mister and miss!!!' she demanded.

"Erhmm... I won't. Sorry we won't." Dev assured her.

'I' was slowly becoming 'we' and I felt a sudden sting of pain that I cannot describe... it was a pain that brought with it immense happiness...

****

Dev and I started going out, though not very often and Bhargavi would always tag along. During times when Bhargavi wouldn't make it, we'd go to the beach and play scrabble. We loved playing scrabble together. I always defeated Dev. Though sometimes I felt he let me win.

Dev and I never really fell in love. Though it's not completely true. I fell in love with one the first day. But I don't know what love's definition is. For me it was joy. Peace. And losing myself. We were happy in each other's company. But, one day, even that was gone. After that...my heart was always heavy... like I had lost something really dear...

I had a new friend in my life now, Ajith. Dev's sibling. Weird, but though it feels like I'm so close to getting in touch with Dev again, it still seems far impossible... After our meeting in the train, we exchanged our phone numbers.

I never call him, but Ajith never fails to text me every morning wishing me a great morning. I don't always reply back, but he makes sure I'm reminded of him everyday! Today I was going to meet him at a coffee shop... he wanted to talk...

Since morning I have this numb feeling... the hesitance, the doubts... I had been sitting by my window aimlessly watching birds fly and people walk....thinking what my life was coming to...

What is he going to talk? Is it about Dev? What had Dev told Ajith about me?

The thought was killing me.

Please let them know it's Christmas....

I'm just listening to an awesome carol... 'Do they know it's Christmas time' - Band Aid

they say at Christmas time we have fun and luxury.... but there's a world out there where the only water flowing is the bitters tears...and the greatest gift they'd get for Christmas is probably 'life' ... how true... the song is in context to Africa specifically... but one can relate it to any place, even home...

Ok no sadness... just pray for all the people who are suffering....and let them know it's Christmas, the time for hope and love :)

The winner stands alone~

My tailor rocks!

He stitched all my dresses in 10 days! Totally cool... the other tailor - you are too uncool!

This has been a bad blogging year :(

When Naaz and Dev met...

Traveling can be fun when you are with friends and when you have no real destination in mind. Just mindless trips. But I hated traveling. And traveling alone was like being subjected to some kind of a punishment. I am mostly not comfortable with large crowds and I always keep imagining I'll end up with a creep beside me. I checked the passenger list chart outside the train compartment. Naaz Zachariah, female 26, B 49. I got into the train and found my seat.
'Lower berth. shucks' I cursed.
I liked upper berths. Gave me some kind of a privacy.
'I'll ask someone to exchange their berth with me.' I thought
I sat by the window, watching families talking to their loved ones in the train.
"Don't stay out too late. Eat well. Don't eat anything spicy. Remember what the doctor told you" a mother was advising her son.
"Call me as soon as you reach" a lover was saying.
"Madam biscuits? Chips? Samosa?" a boy asked.
'No'
"Please madam. Please" he begged
'No. Leave'
He mumbled something till he got chased out of compartment.
''These guys are not suppose to enter the AC compartment'' spoke an elderly person.
The announcement was made. The train was to leave in 10 minutes. A mother and her baby son occupied the opposite berth. I smiled at her. She smiled back but she had tears in her eyes.
I looked out to see who had come to send her off and saw an elderly couple waving goodbye, tears welling in their eyes.
'Parents?' I wanted to ask. But left it at that. Let her cry, I thought. Crying helps.

I remembered the day Dev walked away.

****

'Bhargavi what do I do man? I just hurt him.'
"why did you throw the straw?"
'I don't know. You know how I am. I don't share such things with people.'
"You know Naaz. That minute he was with you, he was not 'people,' he was yours."
'No I don't get it.'
"You won't Naaz. He tried to come closer to you. And you just pushed him away."
'See I like him. I liked him the first instance I saw him. But this is the second time I'm meeting him. I can't share the same straw or spoon or anything.'
"Ok leave it. Let's find him. And you say sorry."
'Yes I will. I feel awful.'

We looked for him everywhere. But in vain. And who are we to blame? You can't find an elephant in that mad crowd.

I didn't speak a word throughout. I just kept thinking about that one moment he tried to get closer to me. And that poor guy only attempted to share a drink with me.
But to me it would have meant the weirdest thing in the world. May be I didn't deserve to be loved.

"Naaz let's go check if he is in his room."
'Ok'
I'm a fool. I'm a fool. It was after all a bloody drink. It was not a kiss or anything.

"Erhmm, is Dev Mathew available?"
"You are?"
"His friend. Friends. Bhargavi and Naaz."
"Extension number?"
"What?"
"Whats his extension number?"
"I don't know."
"I'm sorry I can't help you."
"Please sir. He studies in Vincent De Paul. He is staying here just for 2 days. He may be leaving today."
"Oh then he might have left. Theiryala. (Don't know)"
"Sir please check the register and see if he is still here."
"Seri seri. (OK OK)"
He ran his fingers across pages and rested them on one name. The person I fell in love with at first sight.
"Dev Mathew. He has just left."

My heart sank. I cried. I don't know why.

"Did he do something to you? Why are you crying?" the security guard asked.

Bhargavi pulled me away.
"Naaz. Stop crying. You can't cry like this. Come let's go. We'll find a way."
'I feel miserable Bhargavi. I hurt him.'
"No you didn't. People don't leave for such things. May be his bus was about to leave. Be positive. Come let's get back home."

I kept crying on my way back home. I kept thinking about his face. His smile. The connect. Everything. I thought about my life without his smile. It was like a dream. Dev was my dream come true. But I had ruined my dream.

I ran up to my room as soon as I reached home and Bhargavi left me alone.
She told me, "Crying helps. Cry it out. But call me as soon as you are done."

****

'My name is Naaz. Your son is very adorable. What's his name?' I asked the lady as the train slowly pulled off.
"I'm Arpita. This is Arpan. He is 6 months old."
'Arpan is very handsome. He'll grow to attract pretty women' I laughed.
She laughed away her tears.
I looked away into the dark space outside the window. The station lights far away now seemed like a tiny little spot.
"Daughter, is this your berth?" asked an elderly woman.
'Yes it is aunty' I replied.
"Will it be ok if my husband would exchange his ticket with you? He'd prefer a lower berth. His is an upper berth. Broken back."
'There's no need to explain Aunty. I can understand. He can sit here. I'll take his place.'
"Thank you very much daughter."
'Please don't mention it aunty.'
I exchanged my ticket with the old gentleman who also did not fail to thank me and took my luggage.
'Bye Arpan.' I waved at the little baby.
His mother took his hands and made him wave back at me.
'So cute' I thought.

I found my seat. But I also found 2 handsome guys sitting alongside.
I was hesitant initially, but it was too late now. I sat down.
I told myself I'd never indulge in a conversation.
To my surprise, they took no notice of my very presence. They kept yapping away discussing things which made no sense to me.
'Good. I can read a book' I thought
I took out a book I had kept reserved for train travels. Ulysses.
"Hey is this book good?" someone asked
I knew it was one of the two. I pretended to not hear and continued reading.
"Hey you, kannadi (spectacled one)" they giggled.
'What?' I almost yelled.
"Sorry. We used humor to distract you."
'I'm sorry, was that a joke? Because I didn't find it funny.'
Don't fight. Don't fight.
"Erhm, so is the book any good."
'May be.'
"Ok. I'm Pradeep."
'I'm not interested.'
"Nice name there."
'OMG even this is not funny.'
"No one said its a joke." They laughed.
'Fine. what do you want?'
"Nothing. Just thought you'd be interested in talking."
'Apparently, I'm not.'
"Chal yaar, chodd na. Bechari bahut akeli hogi." (Leave it friend, she must be lonely.)
Ya they think I can't follow Hindi. Let them ramble on.
"Sundar hai yaar. Socha tha impress kar loonga." (She is pretty. thought I could impress her.)
That's it. I'm not holding it any longer. Before they start describing anything.
'Mujhe bhi Hindi aatha hai' (I can follow Hindi)
They kept quiet for sometime.
"I'm sorry" Pradeep spoke.
'For?'
"For offending you."
'That's ok.'
"Friends?"
'Do I look interested?' I asked
"But why? Let me tell you, I'm not a creep."
'I didn't ask.'
"We're a Vincent De Paul alumni."
those words hit me hard. but I hid my emotions.
'Oh. Good.'
"That's all? You say Good?"
'Yes. I'm from Clare's'
"Ohhhhh!!! Then we are definitely friends."
'So I guess I should get on to my berth. Will read my book in peace.'
"Ok. BTW this is Ajith, my friend from college."
'Hi Ajith. I'll be off now.'

I lay down on my berth and read.

"Dude she said Hi to you" Pradeep spoke.
"Let's not discuss her. I know her." Ajith spoke.
He knew me? I moved closer to the edge.
"How?"
"I told you let's not discuss her."
He looked up to see if I was listening, but with one quick move I moved my head back into place.
How does he know me? This is killing me now.

I don't remember when I fell asleep. My book was lying on Pradeep's lap.
What's my book doing there? I asked him firmly.
I started imagining he'd have flicked it from me when I was asleep.
'You creep. Give it back.' I yelled
"Relax Naaz. It fell down yesterday."
OMG he knew my name. I didn't want to get down. I looked for the other guy, Ajith. He was nowhere in sight.
I got down slowly and took my book away. I didn't look at Pradeep.
"Hi there" Ajith spoke.
'Listen, how the hell do you know me? Tell me?' I yelled
"Relax."
'No. Sorry. You tell me.'
"I have never met you in person. But I have seen your pic."
'My pic? where?'
In my brother's room.
'Your brother?'
"Tea?"
'No. Your brother?'
"Pradeep, pass me some cookies will ya?"
"Sure dude. Here."
Ajith was lying. I knew. I didn't ask him anything else. I was not desperate. And even if I was, I was not going to show it out to him. The creep.

After 30 long minutes, I was to get down. I took my luggage out and walked away. I didn't say a word to those creeps. I stood near the door praying I'd never see them again.

I got down and walked without placing one glance behind.

"Naaz... wait." someone yelled.
It must be that creep.
I continued walking.
"Naaz..."
I turned back and saw Ajith running towards me.
Gosh, he must be running to tell me something stupid. I hoped he'd slip and fall.
"Here."
'What is this? A photo?'
"See the photo."
'Yeah bleh.'

What I saw didn't anger me or bring shock...

What I saw made me feel weird...

It was my Dev hugging Ajith.

Ajith Mathew, Dev's sibling.

Morning with ARR

First things first: Sir, please accept my hearty congratulations.

Yaah, like he's going to read it. Well! Still!

I was studying mass communication models, when I saw him holding that golden curvy beauty in his hands.
Oh Yes! We've made it, my heart jumped. No one deserves it more than you man. You're the best.
Tiny tears taking shape.

Voices at the back: Oh Great! Rahman is THE man. But what's so great about the music in this movie?
T.V guy: Yes. Not great. Not great at all.
Student: Yes! Not all that great. I don't seem to attach to it at all. Yuvraaj sounds much better!

Rahman: Ellam Pugazhum Iraivanukkey.
(All glory to God)

Voices: Did you hear that? He spoke in Tamil!
Catching up: Yes. He did. But don't be so excited about it because it might sound like you're insecure or something.
Voices: No. See it IS a big deal! How many people do that?
Mumble: Proud day for Tamilians huh?
T.V Guy: Say India.
Mumble: Yeah when we win Oscars we are India. When we make a mistake, we are Tamilians.

Closing the book: Yes. You're right. Not many do that. Especially in a world where some people even feel ashamed to call themselves Tamil speaking.
Voices: Yes. They fear isolation. They think it's got to do with backward class or color or the language itself. Chi.
Opening the book: OMG. I can use this to explain the Spiral of Silence.
Voices: The Spiral of what?
Recollecting: The Spiral of Silence. Some people tend to remain silent when they feel that their views are in the minority, for fear of isolation.
Voices: Full marks. Good.

All eyes on T.V: Great. We finally got an Oscar. But wish it was for an Indian movie.
T.V Guy: Well it is about India. Slums and all.
Glaring woman: Well what do you expect the slave master to see?
T.V Guy: Slave master?
Glaring Woman: The British. Who else? 'Oh let's go to India, the SLUM country.' They only see beggars and slums or what?
T.V Guy: You know slave master sounds so funny.
Pretending student: Ya. But makes sense tho. We were slaves. They were the masters. Sigh.
T.V Guy: Ok leave that. I don't think the music's great. ARR should have won the Oscars years back. Na?
All: Absolutely.

Getting up: Ya like for RDB or something. Oh, for Ayutha Ezhuthu (Yuva) or Lagaan too. Cha. He should have got the Oscars long back. Stupid hypocrites, them Whites.
T.V Guy: No stereotypes.
Walking away: Oh yes. No stereotypes. I'll remember that. But I want to be like ARR. Want to acknowledge my tongue in front of scores of people who don't even understand the language.
Mum: Want to be like ARR it seems. Go dust your keyboard first. Sorry, go keyboard the DUST.

Me: Let's look at News Diffusion model.

If I was God...

I highly doubt the possibility of the same happening becos then the world would be filled with all 'fake' good people, I'm a sucker at judgments.

I'm anyway gonna post this assuming someone made a mistake of giving me the choice.

I was made to think on this since class 9. Back then I used to listen to the radio at nights, that's when they'd play English songs. Not that I was a fan or anything but I didn't have anything else to do. Besides, I particularly liked one RJ who had the most amazing voice. The show encouraged callers who'd dial in and then were asked to answer questions just to add the 'glitter.'
I dialed in one day. And 'that' man answered my call. My heart skipped a beat. The question that day was, 'If you were God for a day...'
I can't believe I said what I said.
'I'd become a guy and see what it feels like to be one.' ?!!??!!
See I assumed when I become God I'd still be a 'girl.'
That guy just said, 'Oh hmm.' He must have thought, 'where do these people come from?'

Today I want to give it some serious thought.

10 things I would do if I was God:

1. Not have too many planets. I don't want kids to study 'My Very Educated Mother Just Showed Us Nine Planets.' It'd just be, I know there's only one planet and no one need show it to me.
2. I'd name the sole planet 'Life' and trademark it.
3. Wipe away headaches.
4. Come and live on 'life' and not set up a drama by proclaiming I'm in heaven and that you have to die in order to see me. There's no heaven or good or bad associated with it. You can see me whenever you want to. You probably have to take an appointment though.
5. I won't send you to hell if you do something bad. There's no hell. I'll just let your parents slap you.
6. You won't be allowed to hit your parents back. Hah! How's that?
7. You won't have to worry about weight because while I am your God nobody puts on any unwanted weight. Nobody gets that hungry in our world. And even if you do, you always crap all the excess fat!
8. I will not allow girls and boys fighting for things like pink is cool or machines rock bleh bleh. Everyone respects the other person's opinion.
9. I will make sure everybody understands everything, be it science, commerce or anything. No one remains in the dark or be a subject of ridicule or be termed indifferent or ignorant.
10. If there's one orphan there will be one childless parent, so they can meet and set up their world. So, in our world there won't be any orphanages.
11. If a beloved leaves you I won't let you cry so much that you become miserable. You'll always have me.
12. There's no limit to creativity in our world. Absolutely.
Like there's no limit to just keeping my points to 10.
13. You can go for walks alone at night. There's no ghost/ rapist/murderer/ psycho. I straightened the heads.
14. All competitions will be healthy. Any foul play is subjected to Point 5.
15. You won't worship me. We are friends. We have no religion.

What's all this rubbish they taught me?

Rock-a-bye baby
on the tree top,
when the wind blows
the cradle will rock,
when the bough breaks
the cradle will fall,
down will come baby,
cradle and all.

Can you get more negative?

Why didn't they just tell us the baby and the cradle was safe all through. And who leaves a baby on the tree top anyway?

Then we have our dear Humpty, who's only sitting on a wall and chilling. But they tell us,

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall;
All the King's horses
And all the king's men.
Cannot put Humpty Dumpty
Together again.

Why? Why all the negativeness?

They don't spare dear Jack and Jill who simply go up the hill to fetch some water... but NO, They throw them down too.

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
To fetch a pail of water,
Jack fell down and broke his crown,
And Jill came tumbling after.

Then, they even threw us all down...

Ring-a-ring-a-roses,
A pocket full of posies;
Hush! hush! hush! hush!
We're all tumbled down.

Here's what people think of the poem!


I ask why?

Why didn't the baby just sleep on his mother's lap?
Why didn't humpty have a breezy evening and safely get back home?
Why didn't Jack and Jill bring back the water safely?
Why did we all 'tumble down' when playing?

Why?

They should seriously write Positive stuff.


You get the picture.

I can't believe I was taught all this!

When Naaz met Dev - Part 3

At least I thought he was smiling. He was still glaring at me.

'Why are you glaring at me?'
"Why shouldn't I?"
'You make me uncomfortable...'
"You made me nervous"
'I did? When?'
"By standing right in front of my eyes"
'It was not intentional plus you were not even looking at me'
"I did it on purpose... whenever I looked at you I felt funny"
'Oh'
"Yes"

"Naaz?"
'Huh?'
"Dev has been trying to tell you something for the past 2 mins, where have you been madam?"
'Huh? what?'
"Are you OK Naaz?"
'Yes yes. Yes I am.'
"Spaced out again?" he asked.
'Yes kinda.'
"How did you like our performance?"
'Oh it was awesome. You play the guitar so well'
"Thank you."

It was so weird. Just sometime back Dev and I were having a conversation. But here he was talking to me as though nothing had happened.

I must be mad. Mental dialoguing. That's normal!

"What say Naaz if we go and grab a bite?"
'I want to watch the rest of the show.'
What the hell did I just say?
"As you wish."
'Owwwwwwwwwwwwww' Bhargavi pinched me hard.
"Just what do you think you're doing? Why don't you go with him?"
People were looking at me and I pretended to enjoy the show. To cover it all up I yelled again, to make people believe I was actually cheering the band.
"What a loser!"
I looked at Dev. He was simply listening to the music and composing mental notes and playing it on his invisible guitar.
'Dev, let's get something to eat.'
"Are you sure?"
'Yes.'
"Come lets go" jumped Bhargavi.
'Why are you coming?'
"I'm sorry is this a date? And I'll get lost here you fool."

We walked in silence. As though Dev had just proposed. And I had just said yes.

WTH. It was food after all. I was going to gorge on it once I saw it. I'd forget his very existence at that moment.

I prayed I don't hog and spoil my reputation.

"Frankie?" He asked
'No I'm dieting.'
"Whoa!" Dev and Bhargavi cried in unison.
'Yah. What's the big deal. I'm trying to lose some weight.'
"Yah right. You do have a fat... ego!" Bhargavi screamed. "Do they have diets for all this?"
GRRRRR
"Ok chill. What do you want to eat Naaz" Dev spoke softly.
'I'll have some juice. Pome'
"I'll get it. Bhargavi get me one chicken tikka frankie please while I get Naaz her drink."
"I'll do that."
She started walking up to the counter but I stopped her.
'I'll get it for him.'
"Oh the Loves!"
'BLAH BLAH.'
One chicken tikka frankie please.

He was frying the thin egg paranthas on the pan. The yummy aroma of onions and chilli and chicken tikka applied on the fried parantha and rolled into the delicacy just made my mouth water.

"Ah Naaz, here's your drink."
'And here's your frankie'
"Thanks a lot!"
'No thank you. We're friends.'
"Oh the philosophy!"
I blushed.

"I've never tried Pome juice ever." Dev spoke.
'Ah you must try. It's good.' I said sipping.
"Ok." and he looked away.
Bhargavi gave me the looks.
What?
Learn to share!
Ohhhh!
Ohhhhhhhhh.
'Erm, do you want a sip?'
"I don't mind." He said and took a sip.

He took a sip. From my straw. The very same straw.

At this point I should have probably felt happy or funny or get that really weird feeling you usually get.
But I did the most silliest and stupidest thing any girl would do, and I had to suffer the consequence of my action for a long time to come.

I threw the straw.

Pledge...

I'm ashamed to say this but I forgot our pledge! (tch tch) If you've forgotten it too, then no worries. I'm posting it here. You can go ahead and learn it by heart, again! :)


India is my country and all Indians are my brothers and sisters.
I love my country and I am proud of its rich and varied heritage.
I shall always strive to be worthy of it.
I shall give my parents, teachers and all elders, respect, and treat everyone with courtesy.
To my country and my people, I pledge my devotion.
In their well being and prosperity alone, lies my happiness.

Have you smoked?

Yeah well, I meant the candy cigarettes we used to get our hands on so easily in the 80s and 90s. I recently became a fan of Harnik Phantom Sweet Cigarettes on Facebook. These candies are a part of my many childhood memories.

I still remember 'smoking' these cigarettes in the December chills of Delhi. I was a student here. Yes, I am a Fransalian. Every morning we'd have to go in for an open assembly in the school grounds. Winters in Delhi is no ordinary time. You freeze. My mother would literally wrap Herbert and me in wool. Delhi has been the only place I've worn 3 pairs of socks at one time! I remember being a very quite girl in class. But I remember being an animated speaker. I still am.

So, one day, I took these cigarettes to school and shared it with my friends in class. I remember telling them how yummy the candy is and also how cool is to have been shaped like a 'real' cigarette. How silly, but which 'real' cigarette has a red tip! So we decided that if it was shaped like a real cigarette then we'd even smoke in the real style. Each of us took one candy each and hid in our pockets. We got ready for the assembly. Once outside, we took out the candy cigarette and smoked. And puffed. It was amazing how the cold breathe we let out of our mouth resembled a cloud of smoke. Just like smoking for real. But smoking for real sucks. And I'm not a hypocrite to say it without having tried smoking!

Funny, how we kept hiding the candy whenever we thought someone was looking at us. As if we were smoking a real cigarette. Well, its a totally different issue that even if we were caught eating a candy we'd have to run on the grounds.
So we smoked a cigarette, even if it was only a candy. Such cheap thrills.

I'm wondering if these friends from school whom I have lost contact with for long, smoke for real now! May be. May be not.

Do we still get these here? If only I could lay my hands on one packet... I'd preserve the packet for my kids to see. May be freeze one candy too.

Such preciousness. Childhood.